Heather: boo

Keri: GASP! Hey, tis Caitlin's b-day today!

Keri: HONK! (This is a message.)

Heather: YAAAYYYY a message

Keri: Yes! For I am the bringer of messages! Mwahahaha!

Heather: hehehehe

Keri: MWAHAHAHA *gag* HAHAHA *cough* hah....haha...*wheeze* hahah...ha...yeah.

Heather: you're funny

Keri: Hey, that's what I thought! See:
Me: Hey, I think I'm hilarious.
Friend: So THAT's your problem!

Heather: i love u keri <3

Keri: I looks like a heart. But does it beat? *BWOM BWOM BWAAAAA...*

Heather: =( im scared

Keri: And well you should be!

Heather: well i am. I don't like random beating hearts lying around! you should go find it and get rid of it.

Keri: *cracks knuckles* Oh, I'll go get them all right. I'll PWN them good!

Heather: yay my saver or is that savior hmm o well ethier way you saved the day

Keri: Yes! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I am so smart!

Heather: i made a ryhme and you did not say anything about how good it was =(

Keri: Aw...um...it was fantacular! Like a monkey!

Heather: back with the monkey again huh i don't like being a monkey i want to be a tiger RARG >=)

Keri: GASP! You've terrified my inner monkey! I must...unleash the monkey! SQUEE! (do monkeys go squee? Ah, the mysteries of life!)

Heather: hey hey you left me all alone yesterday :(

Keri: Yeah...and there I sat, at the bestest house in the world, eating ice cream and watching Moulin Rouge.

Heather: not fair i had to sit here al by my lonsome doing a test i did not understand an then in fourth period alex decideds to skip so i was all alone in taht period too =,(

Keri: I'm not laughing...nooo...not me, nice nicity Keri. I laugh not! Ahem...I now have a Moulin Rouge song stuck in my head. Roxanne! You don't have to put on that red dress! Roxanne! *insert tango scene*

Heather: um i don't know that song honey because it has been a very long time since i have watched that movie

Keri: Well...it is a real song...by Sting! Yay! Actually, it may have been done pre-Sting, by The Police...You know, the "I'm sending out an SOS to the world! I hope that someone gets my, I hope that someone gets my, message in a bottle!" people. I love them.

Heather: YOU ARE INSANE but thas why we all love you (or is it that pill you always slip into our drinks? naw it couldn't be.)

Keri: What pill? I have no pill...you're crazy. That's crazy talk. I hope your crazy isn't contagious...crazy lady.

Heather: lol im not crazy you just think that im crazy because you are crazy yourself so hah

Keri: Ohhh...but I don't feel crazy. I feel HAPPY! Sing along happy! Join me and Sting! I dream of rain, I dream of gardens in the desert sand! I wake in pain, I dream of love as time runs through my hands! Sweet desert rose, this memory of Eden haunts us all! This desert flower, this rare perfume, is the sweet intoxication of the fall!

Heather: like i said crazy

Heather: Muhahaha...haha.. cough..hah..cough

Keri: Me? I still think you're crazy. You won't sing with me and Sting? Sigh...so sad.

Keri: ...Here! *tosses cough drops*

Heather: i don't need cough drops...cough... maybe i do nee those. are they extra strength because i probaly need extra strength ones...cough...cough..weezz

Keri: Um...methinks you be needin' surgery, not cough drops now. Wheezing ain't good, don't cha know. (Ehehe...me bad grammer. Me speak good.)

Heather: its from my assma if im spelling that right. i just need to take my puffer and i don't have that right now. wheez...sputter... coughing up blood... dies.....

Keri: Nioooo! I shall avenge your death! *kicks asthma in the crotch* Take that, you Heather-killing fiend! I shall turn your groin to PUDDING!

Heather: *speaking from beyond the grave* how do you kick asthma in the crotch? its not a person but it is a killing feind. AHH they are calling me back i have no choice but to go.... NOOOOO.....KERI.... *back beyond the grave*

Keri: Hold on! I'll be right there! *goes to kill self...stops...* Screw this. *throws rocks at sky and shaking fist* Get your shiny white butt down here, Jeebus! Save Miss Heather, because I don't want to die and go to the fiery place just yet!

Heather: *speaking from beyond the grave* HEY how come you haven't rescused me yet... aaaahhh.... HELP ME....

Keri: *shifty eyes* *slides sunshine into bag* Me? Not rescue? No, I wasn't out enjoying the sun while you waited patiently in Deadside...nooo...I was just...er...um... I need a stick. Then I can save you. A stick and some pixie dust, but pixie sticks will do. Yes.

Heather: WHAT?! YOU NEED PIXIE STICKS?!

Why didn't you say so. Here i'll give you the money and then you can go get some to save me..... hurry though they are starting to play disco...... AAAHHHH.... the horror..... the horror....

Keri: Disco? The HORROR! Er...indeed. I shall save thee!
*at Dollarama*
Me: What? No pixie sticks?!
Lady: Nope. None.
Me: Damn it! Let it be known that you now have the death of Miss Heather on your hands! I CANNOT BE BLAMED FOR WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO!
Lady: *takes a few steps back*
Me: I AM...going to the Great Canadian Dollar Store! *runs out sobbing*
Lady: ...Freak.
Me: Hey, at least I'm lovable.
Lady: WHAT?! Didn't you leave?!
Me:...Yes. *disappears*

Heather: The great canadian dollar store better have pixie sticks or i will haunt you forever and make oyu a badd sppeller. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Keri: AHHHHHHHHH!! My spell-er-rific brain! It melts! It burns! FEEL THE PAIN! FEEL THE BURN! FEEL THE DIGESTION!
Lady from Dollarama: *completely emotionless* What. The. Hell.
Me:...Why are you here? This is my head. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! *sulks*
Lady: I...don't know.
Me: Well, that's obvious.
Lady: What?
Me: Nothing. Anyways, let's go to the Great Canadian.
Lady: I don't want to.
Me: Cry me a river. Then sail down it. Then drown in it. Then haunt me- noooo! Then I'll have to get MORE pixie sticks! Oh woe is me, does my quest never end?!
Lady: Here's a pixie stick. Now shut up.
Me: You make me happy. You are now MINE.
Lady: I'll see you in hell. *walks off*
Me: HEY! I'LL OWN HELL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Heather: *shifty eyes**muffled voice* Did you get the goods? You better hve or i will act on my threat. So back to a lighter conversation, when do i get out of here? The disco, its starting to kill me and i'm already dead  

Keri: *opens trenchcoat* I'm being followed...by a Dollarama lady! She might be here... So I'll prepare!
*pulls out stick and pours pixie stick powder in hand* Now, if I remember correctly...
*eats pixie stick powder* Damn, that's good. Anyways, back the ritual. *smacks a tree with the stick* *magical portal opens* Ahem...I be coming, Miss Heather!
*enters portal*
*enters hell* Crap. Wrong place.
Demon: Hey, I know you! There's a picture on the bulletin board!
Me: Charming. Which way to Limbo?
Demon: Limbo? We only do that on Saturdays.
Me:...You, my good sir, are a moron. *goes out door saying "LIMBO"* Miss Heaaaather! Where ye be?!

Heather: Help keri i'm over here!!!! They have me tied down because i tried to break the records tha they were playing.* sobs uncontrollably* I want to go home!! *breaks don crying*

Keri: Miss Heather! I shall save thee! *pulls out faithful tree-whacking stick* YARR! *charges into Limbo*
Random Spirit: *blinks as I run by shouting battle cries* *shakes head* Weirder ones every day.
John Travolta: Hey, what are you doing? NO! STOP THAT!
Me: *beating records with stick* DIE! DIE! This is only the beginning of your suffering!
John Travolta: NOOO! I challenge you to a...DANCE OFF! *starts breakdancing*
Me:...
John Travolta: *does uber-amazing dance, complete with cartwheels, tumbles, spins, and now with only half the calories!*
Me:...
John Travolta: Hah! Beat that!
Me: ...Okay. *beats him with the stick*
John Travolta: OW! JEEBUS! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!
Me: *pauses* Hm...many things, I suppose. *continues to beat him*
John Travolta: Blaaaarg...I die! Again! *does so...somehow...*
Me: Mwahaha! I have defeated the guardian of Limbo! *skips to Heather* I can do this! This, like any good problem, can be solved with a logical and scientific manner. Ahem. *starts beating rope with stick*

Heather: Hey that hurts. Hit the rope not me!!

Keri: Yay! Erm...I mean...oops. *tries to beat rope* Hm...there is only one other possible answer to this! *looks heroic* Set it on FIRE!
Little Timmy: That's how you helped me! And look at me!
Me: Hey, I find the charred black and smoking look really compliments your eyes.
Little Timmy: I don't have eyes anymore! They burned out!
Me: Oh. Well. I guess you have a point. Hey, can I use that point to cut through the rope?
Little Timmy: Um...no.
Me: Damn. Now you're dead AND useless.
Little Timmy: *runs off crying*
Me: Meh. All's well that ends well. Or something. *spots broken records* YAY! *grabs broken piece* This can cut! I think...only one way to find out! *lights it on fire*
*five minutes later, as it is a smoldering remain*
Me: Hm...I conclude that, after my scientific experiment with a percent error of 99%, this can cut. Ye shall be free, Miss Heather! *cuts rope*

Heather: YAY i'm free and I didn't get cut?! * dances around with happieness screaming "It's a miracle, it's a mircale" and so forth* thank you keri for rescuing me. I have a brillent idea! i am going to get you knighted by the queen. but not the queen of enland she old and ulgy.you shall be knighted by the farie queen 

Keri: Yay! The fairie queen!
Little Timmy: She was my aunt.
Me: Aw, hell. This can't end well.

Heather: what little timmy's a farie?! But they can't die!! What did you do to the poor kid?!

Keri: Ohh, everything can burn! At some point, everything is flammable!
Little Timmy: I kick you! *does so*
Me: Ah, mine spleen! I shall smite thee with mine sword! *pulls out pen*
Little Timmy: No! Not the- wait. What the hell is wrong with you?
Me: I really should come up with a witty reply for that. I get asked it so often. Maybe that says something deep and profound about me.
Little Timmy: I'll just...go over there for now.
Me: No! NOT OVER THERE! IT BUUUURNS... Or not.
Little Timmy:...
Me: Brilliant deduction! I shall act upon it immediately! *burns down Little Timmy's home* So, Miss Heather, where to now?

Heather: Well off to find me a hot guy :D

Keri: ...Look! A Russian Dwarf Nudist Colony! *blindfolds self* Mwahaha...I am indestructable!
Little Timmy: I come back from the depths of...er...death...to avenge myself! Take THAT! *kicks shin*
Me:...My spleen!
Litte Timmy: What?!
Me: *burns Little Timmy* Butthead! *sulks*
Little Timmy: I'll get you yet!
Me: Augh! My spleen just exploded from insult! Hey, look, that dog has a puffy tail! *chases after said dog* *pauses* Have you found your hubby yet, Miss Heather?

Heather: at a Russian Dwarf Nudist Colony you ask?! how can i even find any body my own hight let alone good looking?! i remind you keri, I am a very shallow person. i can't stand Russian Dwarfs. (O and by the way who could?) I want somebody from the highlander series (or one of two people i like here) so we are i the wrong area. *grabs keri and hops on a plane* WERE GOING TO SCOTLAND YAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!

Keri: Scotland?! YAY! 'Cause we're leeeaving, on a jet plane! Don't know when we'll be back again! Blah...blah blah...blah...yeah...
*on the plane*
Me: Peanuts? I want peanuts! I demand satisfaction for my peanut urges!
Stewardress: Um...here.
Me: Whoo! I've won this round, God! Hey, Miss Heather, why are you scooting away? Miss Stewardess, are you a licensed stewardress?
Stewardress: Um...sure?
Me: Really? That's a large heavy cart- can I see your certificate?
Stewardress: ...That cloud looks like a bird.
Me: Don't change the subject!
Stewardress: Um...I'm an imposter.
Me: GASP! I shall take over! *takes stewardresses place* There! Now everyone's happy! *runs over a plane-hobo*

Heather: *5 hours later* keri whe are we ging to get there. you are a Stewardress so you should know *10 minutes later* ARE WE THERE YET???!!!! i want to see hot guys
:(

Keri: Hmm...I can find out using this piece of string, a paperclip, and a cowboy hat! *sticks paper on cowboy hat and ties string to it* EUREKA! I am a genie-ous! According to my ingenius device, we shall be there...NOW!
*plane skids to a halt, drops immediately from the air, and lands with a swan dive on the ground*
Yay! I can preduct the everything! I quit my job as Replacement Imposter Stewardess and reclaim my job as Extreme Aggrivator! *hops off plane and lights it on fire, boots someone on the shin, and dancing around singing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves!"*

Heather: OKaaayyyy well we are off to zee hills in scotland because acording to my sources *pulls out Kiss of the Highlander* they hot guys should be somewhere over there *starts walking in the genrall drictection of hills* now we are looking for a castle do you see any Keri?

Keri: YAY! I see...I see...LOOK! GASP! *points excitedly*
Random Passerby:...It's a cow.
Yes...well...it is a cow. Ahem. Heeeey, Bonham is buried somewhere in Scotland, Land of the Scots! Hey, got kilt?

Heather: I guess we do need kilts don't we keri?
Me: hello sir. how are you today?
Random Sir: Fine? why do you ask? *glares at me*
Me: just wondering where i can get me some kilts. i need a MacDonald kilt and my friend here, well she'll just take any color execpt blue (she hates blue)
Random Sir: O well in that case you just go down that street and then take a right at the cow and then turn right at the kilt store.
Me: You didn't have to be so mean about it *runs away crying*
Random Sir: *taling to self* WHAT?!! i wasn't being mean about it i was giving her the directions to the kilt store. So you have to pass the statue of the cow why did she get so upset about it?? o well i did my good deed for the day Sort of^^;

Keri: Me: Oi! You bugger! You made Miss Heather cry! *kicks Random Sir in shin*
Random Sir: Jeebus! What's your people's problem?!
Me: WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP ASKING ME THAT?! *beats Random Sir with a foam baseball bat*
Portal: *opens, ominous music coming out of nowhere*
Me: GO AWAY! I didn't want to summon YOU! NO ONE LOVES YOU!
Portal: *fades away, sulking, music turns sad*
Me: Bugger portals. Always trying to sell you something!
Encyclopedia Salesman: Damn it! She's onto us! *runs away*
Me: Anyways...Miss Heaaaatheerrrr! *runs down the street*
Hobo: Spare some monies?
Me: Monies? Monies I have not! Why, I don't even know how I paid for the trip here! It's a mystery! Here- have a pixie stick. For kids who can't afford crack!
Hobo: *does toothy grin at you and gives thumb's up*
Random Voice: Keri is not responsible for any kids who try to get high on pixie sticks and fail miserably. Keri does not promote drugs. Keri does not promote hobos, or any other action she has done up to this point. Keri does not pay me. Keri is an arse. Keri is resopnsible for everything she has done and recommends everything to little impressionable children. Keri eats babies.
Me:...He is SO fired.

Heather: Hey keri i guess that random sir was right look theres the kilts shop *looks at sign* Ye Old Kilt Shop *looks back at keri* weird. well lets go in *opens door** little bell rings letting the owner know that we are here* wow look at this place keri its so cool. it like we steped back in time and are in a castle*looks left then right* *whispers* maybe we are *looks up and see shop owner looking strangely at us* ahem..well I am looking for two kilts one Macdonald clan and the other, wel once again nothing blue

Keri: Me: *clapping hands and jumping up and down in excitement* Oh! Oh! I want a red one! I like red! And I want a Claymore! Oh, and a sash! And a HAT. Give me a HAT.
Shop Owner: *takes a few steps back*
Me: And then I'll be all like 'SWOOSH! I have a HAT' and 'GRRR! I have a kilt!' and 'YAY! Me so Scottish!' and 'WHOO! I lika da pie!' and the enemy will say 'AH! Look at that hat! Look at that pie! We cannot win!' and they'll go ZOOM! GOOD-BYE!
Owner:......*looks to Heather* Okay. What do YOU want?
Me: Don't ignore me! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED!
Owner: *puts up hand so cannot see me* We have a few over here...
Me: Oh yeah?! I AM A CUCUMBER! I AM A CUCUMBER! I AM A CUCUBER!
Owner: *grinding teeth* I can't seeeee yoooou...
Me: I'm made of STYROFOAM!
Owner: *plugs ears* Lalala, I can't hear yooou!
Me: Fpthpfpthtpf! FEAR MY BUNNY FOO-FOO OF DEATH! FEEL THE SCORN OF THE BUNNY! *throws random stuffed bunny at Owner*
Owner: *throws chair at me*
Me: Ugh! I die! *sits down sulking* Butthead.
Owner: FINALLY!

Heather: Well sir i am so very sorry about that (she hasn't taken her meds in a while so don't be to hard on her) but back to the kilts i would like a macdonald pattern because i am a macdonald so it would make sense but it has to be really cute so i look stylish

Keri: Me: Mwahahahaa! I take meds...called placebos! WHOO! They make me happy. Or, at least, they should...
Vender: Ahem...okay, lady, we have a few MacDonald kilts...somewhere...I'm not quite sure. I mean, I just stand here. There's a hobo who makes them, so he knows everything, but he likes to stay on planes.
Me: (in background) CRAP!
Vender: And, quite frankly, I'm just robbing the place. I have a kilt fetish. I love man skirts. I mean, the freedom! The FREEDOM!
Me: *walks out of back room with handfulls of kilts* Miss Heather, one of these has to be your kilt!
Vender/Robber: What?! Stealing MY kilts that I have yet to steal?! I think not! We must settle this...with a duel! *pulls out sabre out of nowhere*
Me:...*drops kilts* I accept your challenge! *pulls out sabre from nowhere* En guarde!
V/R: *does fancy thing with sabre*
Me:...*flails madly*
V/R: Ha! *does stab*
Me: Meh? *does hokey-pokey*
V/R: Wait. What? Are you doing the hokey-pokey?
Me: Well, it stops you from hitting me, doesn't it?
V/R: Yeah, but...it's the HOKEY-POKEY! Who duels with the hokey-pokey?!
Me: The same person who does THIS! *kicks him in the shin*
V/R: AUGH! MY LEG BENDERS!
Me: Hah! I win! *grabs kilts* Let us run, Miss Heather, before he gets back up!

Heather: *looks over sholder as rushed through the door* But what about all the other kilts? What if we don't have mine?
Keri we only have blue ones!
*pulls out a rapier from nowheres*
Me: come you fool you will know suffer the wrath of HEATHER. Nobody messes with my tartan and gets away with engarde!
Vender: You people are insane but fine if i must*charges at me*
Me:*stps aside lightly* HAH is that all you got bring it bitch HAHAHAHA
Vender: how did you do that?! i should have killed you! you are going to get it now missy. * charges again this time faster than the last*
Me:*steps aside lightly again while laughing manicliy* Dude you really have to work on your skills *slashes his arm for fun as he runs by again* I *slashes* Can *High kicks* Beat *Stabs* You *Trips him* Any *puts sword at his throat* Time! Ha

Keri: V/R: Augh! I am defeated! Fine, fine...I give. You can take all the stupid tartans- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
Me: *lighting store on fire* *stops* *looks innocent* *pushes burning pile of stuff behind self* Nothing. *can of gas explodes from behind* Ahem. Nothing.
V/R: Jeebus! I'm outta here! *runs off*
Me:...I wonder if I can have a flaming kilt. Then I could say "Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!" Wait! Then Kong would eat me! I don't want that. Though I do like Kong...*rambles off as everyone runs about, grabbing stuff as everything burns*
Roof: Grr...I am caving in!
Me: My god! The roof just talked!
Roof: Erm...no. I didn't. You're crazy.
Me: Crazy like a fox! And you're still talking! *points finger at roof accusingly*
Random People: *walk by slowly, staring at me* Crazy lady...
Me: I'm not crazy! The roof's crazy! He's talking to me! I bet you're in cahoots with the toaster! DON'T LIE TO ME! DON'T TURN THIS INTO A HOUSE OF LIES!
Roof:...Uh...creak...?
Me: That was a question!
Roof:...Creak...creak...
Me: You'll get yours! *runs out as place burns down* Oh, you DID grab stuff, right? I was a little busy...yelling at the roof...man, that sounds worse when I say it out loud...

Heather: *shouts to the world*Hey im 18 so where are the guys lining up to court me.?
*stops shouting* Keri do you suppose they are afraid of me and my exlecent skills with a sword:( because that would be depressing

Keri: *shrugs* Meh. Courting? That makes me think of getting sued, and I'm happy if no one is trying to sue me.
Lawyer: I'm here representing Timmy-
Me: Hey, look! A distraction!
Lawyer: Huh? *looks away*
Me: *puts on disguise...aka. sailor hat and moustache*
Lawyer: *turns back* What distraction...what?
Me: Ah, mon petit chou! I am not ze Keri, non, I am ze Francois! Ze Keri, yah, she run dere real fast like zoom! Dat way. *points behind*
Lawyer: O...kay. *runs off to find me*
Me: *takes off disguise* Whew! That makes me happy. These lawyer-types are the only guys lining up for me, and I have to don a disguise to get rid of them! Mwahaha...by day, I am Keri, but by night, I am... *strikes pose* Francois the French!

Heather: Ze Francois is the best disguise you have *looks around and whispers* keri?
i can come up with something much better *transforms into a tiger* Rarg Ha take that keri. or i can be a *transforms again* Meow a cute little kitten =3

Keri: Erm...*glances around* Hah! *picks up mushroom and puts it on head* I am a mushroom...Mwahahaha! *mushroom slids off head* *plops on ground*...*stares at mushroom*...
*looks back up* Yeah. That's all I got.
That and...this! *holds up True Pale Gate rune...because I loves it* MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Oh crap, Leknaat's coming...but she'll never know...mwahaha! *stuffs rune in pocket, puts on disguise*
Leknaat: Where's my rune?
Me: Ze rune? What is zis rune, mon chou? I know not of dis dere rune! I am Francois, and it is ze Keri who has taken ze rune! She run like zoom dat way! *points to same direction*
Leknaat:...You better not be lying. *teleports away*
Me: Man, I am ze good!
*in other direction*
Leknaat: Aha! *teleports into giant hole* What?
Lawyer: Finally! Another human being! Can you please help me out of here?
Leknaat:...You're a lawyer.
Lawyer: Yes...
Leknaat:...Ew. *teleports away*
Lawyer:...Bloody hell.

Heather: i can't talk

Keri: ...Um...silence spell?

Heather: i wish im sick :(

Keri: Hm...can't help you there. I CAN, however, do nothing. Yay!

Heather: Your mean *runs off crying* i will now run of to mumby *runs off*

Keri: *blinks* Well, that was awkward. Not to mention unexpected. Predictable, yet ubnexpected- to quote Reboot. Yay, Reboot!

*in big voice* I come from the net. Through systems, games, and cities, to this place: Mainframe. My format, Guardian: to mend and defend. To defend my new-found friends, their hopes, and dreams. To defend them from their enemies. *do do do do do doooo, do do do do do doooo* They say the user lives outside the net, and inputs games for pleasure. No one knows for sure, but I intend to find out. Reboot!
*I'm a geek. I know.*

Heather: *talking with Mumby* *starts taling loudly* I can't hear you you were mean so i can't hear you. what was that mumby? keris mean?! well i know that

Keri: *grumbling* I'm not mean...if I'm mean then let lightning strike me down! *flinches* *looks up slowly at sky* ... *doesn't move* ... *smiles triumphantly* Ha!

Heather: *crack Purple lighting comes and strickes you down* AAAHHHH keri my poor poor keri i did not mean for this to happen *starts sobbing uncontrolably* WHY, WHY

Keri: Augh...I fear 'tis my turn to die! Curse you lightning of purple! WHY DO YOU HAUNT ME SO?! *dies shaking fist at sky* I'm coming, so you better be wearing shinguards! *erm...finally dies* Blaaarg!

Heather: Danmit now i have to go get pixie sticks
wait..... what if shes not in limbo?! i mean it was purple lighting that hit her for being mean... what if you need something different for hell.... AHH what is a girl to do

Keri: Augh! Wait...what is this place?
Sheol: Blah, blah, blah. You mortals never shut up.
Me: GASP! A sheol! I shall suck you up through a straw! *looks for straw*
Sheol: *smacks forhead* You're not Raziel. Besides, he doesn't come around here anymore.
Me: Really? That sucks. I wanted to meet him.
Sheol: He's not that exciting. Quite depressing, really.
Me: I suppose...but, you know, he is the coolest looking character I've ever seen.
Sheol: What? Melchiah was the sexiest.
Me:...
Sheol: What?
Me:...I think I just barfed in my mouth.
Sheol: Well, welcome to Limbo. For the moment.
Me:...For the moment?
Sheol: Oh, yes. You're gonna be judged right here and now.
Me: Well, this can't be good. Who's judging me?
Sheol: *points*
Little Timmy: Hullo! *evil grin*
Me: Aw, hell.
Sheol: No, you'll be there soon, though.
Me: Charming.

BAM!
Me: *appears in Hell* Crap. Didn't think I'd get here so soon. Heather's gonna need something more powerful than Pixie Sticks...she'll need...wait. I don't know. CRAP.
Lucifer: Welcome to He- WAIT! I KNOW YOU! *points to picture on wall*
Picture: WARNING: KID TRYING TO TURN HELL INTO AMUSEMENT PARK *shows picture of me*
Me: Um...heh...funny story, really.
Lucifer: I bet. You're going to Lawyer-land for this one.
Me: But it smells like YOU!
Lucifer:...I'd kill you and take your soul if you weren't already here.
Me: You know you love me.
Lucifer: You freak!
Me: At least I'm lovable!
Lucifer:...
Raphael: You lovable freak, you.
Lucifer: GET OUT OF HERE!
Raphael: Fine, fine. Don't get your undies in a bunch. *flies off to Heaven*
Me:...Does he do that often?
Lucifer: *grumbling* Yes. I hate them so much. Always coming around, parading about...
Me: Aw, it's okay. *pats Lucifer on back understandingly* It's gonna be alright, Lucy.
Lucifer: I know- WAIT. Did you just call me Lucy?!
Me: Yes.
Lucifer:...I like it.
Me:...You know, it's really awkward when you don't hate me for that.
Lucy: Whatever. Anyways, what do you wanna do?
Me: Um...get out of here?
Lucy: Sorry, no can do. Unless you have someone on the other side working for you.
Me: Sweeeeet.
Lucy: But, I'm not telling you how to do this. Too bad. See-ya, sucker! *walks off*
Me:...This sucks. More than Lucy.
Lucy:...I hate you so much.

Heather: *Meenwhile in the human realm*
Me: ok lady fork over the pixie sticks i know you have some
Lady: I don't we were robbed of all pixie sticks 10 minutes ago by someone who was purple it was really quite odd now that i think of it
Me:PURPLE??!! gasp! *looks down and talks to self* it must have been the purple lightning.*looks back up* Which way did the "person" go
Lady:He went that way *points to the north*
Me:thank you miss i really apercate this *runs off*
Lady: hah humans are so foolish *takes off mask* she'll never relize that it is me MUUHAHAHAHA

Keri: Lucy: Arse. What are you doing?
Me: What does it look like? I'm making Kraft Dinner.
Lucy: You don't have to eat down here!
Me: But I love it's cheesy goodness!
Lucy: *grumbling* I hope your friend gets some real good pixie sticks...fast...
Me: What?
Lucy: Nothing. Shut up. I'm contemplating.
Me: Shouldn't you do that in your private time? Besides, we need some houses down here. This lava burns.
Lucy: It's the design.
Me: You should kill your decorator.

Announcer Voice: Welcome to the new sitcom, I Harrass Lucy!
Lucifer: I can't believe you did this.
Me: *jumps out* Ta-daaa! I finally have an audience!
Sheols: Yaaaay.
Lucy: I'm gonna make your eternity so terrible.
Me: *picking flowers* What?
Lucy: I said- WAIT. How did you get those flowers?!
Me: Oh, I started a garden. After I killed your decorater. He was an arse, anyways. No one will miss him.
Lucy: *stuttering in rage*
Me: Anyways, I was thinking we should put a waterslide over there. What do you think?
Lucy: *still stuttering in rage*
Me: Excellent idea. We should have three pools! You're good.
Announcer: Can I go now?
Me: Yeah, sure. Have a blast. Oh, and Michael?
Michael: Yeah?
Me: Can you kick Jeebus in the shins for me?
Michael: Sorry. He'll send me down here forever. He's moody like that. Can't take a joke.
Me: Aw, that's okay. See-ya!
Lucy: *still stuttering*
Me: Come on, Lucy. I want some strawberries.

Me: Step right up, step right up! For the first time ever, hell has reopened as an amusement park! Come, enjoy yourselves!
Raphael: Can I shoot Hitler?
Me: Repeatedly.
Rapheal: How much does it cost?
Me: Ten flower seeds.
Raphael:...Why?
Me: To annoy Lucy.
Raphael: Ah. This explains much. *yanks out Winchester* Duck and run, Hitler!
Hitler: Ich bein mine Winchester! *BAM* Augh, ich bein mine hole in chest-en!
Rapheal: I love you. That made my century.
Me: I know you do. I don't give you much of a choice.
Lucy: What have you done to my nightmarish home?!
Me: I made it pretty. And morbid. Wanna shoot Hitler? It's the newest fad.
Lucy: And you! Get out of here!
Raphael: You suck. For bus fare. Then walk home.

Heather: *calls keri on the telle* so keri how are thing going down there? just say when ever you need out k o and try to find out how to get you out of there

Keri: Me: *picks up cellphone* Hm? Oh, yeah. That. Don't worry- I'll get to the escaping eventually. How hard can it be?
Lucy: Is that a cell phone?!
Me: Hold on a sec, Heather, Mr. Pushy-pants is being pushy. *turns to Lucy and covers phone* Whaaat? Can't you see I'm talking on the phone, here? What is your major malfunction? *back into phone* Okay, yeah. Soon enough, Lucy will lose it, so he'll make me leave. I'm positive. Eventually.
Lucy: *glaring*
Me: Oh, and now he's sulking. You should see this! He's just a big baby...
Lucy: *makes phone explode*
Me: *glaring* Now that was uncalled for.
Lucy: That was NOT uncalled for! You were asking for it!
Me: What? Moi? Asking for trouble? NEVER!
Lucy: Look at you! You're lighting that guy on fire!
Me: No, I'm not! And how can I physically look at myself?! *looks down*
Random Guy: Yo.
Me: Hey. *is lighting him on fire*
Random Guy:...I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do that.
Me: I bet you would.
Random Guy:...
Me:...Brilliant deduction. Lucy, can you be set on fire?
Lucy: You moron, I'm already on fire.
Me:...Ah, you crack me up.
Lucy:...
Me: Hey, look! Is that Dumah over there?!
Dumah: *looks around, terrified* Me? No. Never. Bye! *runs off*
Me: Timid little fella, isn't he?
Lucy: *shakes head sadly* Been that way ever since Raziel torched him alive...
Me: Shame, shame.
Lucy: Yeah. Really. I mean, that was nasty.
Me: All fleshy-less...nasssty.
Lucy: Nasssssty.
Me: Is there anyone else around here interesting?
Lucy: Um...every bad guy in history?
Me: *squeals* Is MEGATRON here?!
Lucy:...No. He doesn't exist.
Me: *GASP!* Is Sauron here?!
Lucy:...No. He doesn't exist, either.
Me: *SHOCK!* Is Captain Barbosa here?!
Lucy: NO. HE DOES NOT EXIST.
Me: *AWE!* Is Luc here?!
Lucy: NO!
*Twenty minutes later...and four seconds.*
Me: Is Leknaat here?!
Leknaat: Yo.
Lucy: NO!
Leknaat: What?!
Lucy: Oops. Sorry.
Me: Is Hades here?!
Lucy:...Yes, actually. He's over there. Playing Ping-Pong. He dominates that game.
Me:...Can I set HIM on fire?
Lucy:...
Leknaat: Can I have the rune back now?
Me: What rune? I lost it when I DIED. You know, when I KICKED THE BUCKET. The rune wasn't on my top worry list when I was DYING. It's kind of with my CORPSE.
Leknaat:...I hate you. *teleports*
Lucy:...What?
Me: *pulls out Souleater rune* Mwahaha...this one's better, anyways.

Heather: *ring ring* hey keri you there

Keri: Me: *picks up cell phone* Holla holla, Amusement Park Master Keri speaking. Heather? Hoi! you'll never guess who I got to meet... *whispers* I met the platypus god. It was SO...er...ugly, actually... Anyways, I jsut stole this phone from Lucy, so I should go.
*elsewhere*
Lucy: Barbara, where's my phone?
Barbara: Didn't you have it?
Lucy:...I hate that kid.
*on phone*
Me: Anyways, he's an arse.

Heather: So yah im alone up here its quite lonely actuly u are i hell while mumby is in limbo so i don't like it

Keri: Me: So...now that I'm dead...can't I visit people that are also dead?
Lucy: Technically.
Me: So...since Raphael and them there Angels can take a field trip down here, doesn't that mean that I can take a trip to Heaven?
Lucy: Technically.
Me: And doesn't that mean that I could visit the people from Dynasty Warriors?
Lucy: Technically.
Me:...You know, I'd really appreciate a real answer.
Lucy: Technically.
Me: *glares at him accusingly*...! *jumps back in shock* *leans in, shifty-eyed* *whispering* I know your secret!
Lucy:...Technically.
Me: *points finger accusingly* You're a Transformer!
Big Voice Coming From Apparently Nowhere: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE!
Me:...
Lucy:...
Me:...Thanks for that emphasis, Voice.
B.V.C.F.A.N.: NO PROBLEM.
Me:...
Lucy:...

Me:...Does that always happen?
Lucy:...Technic-
Me: GAH! *tackles him*
Lucy: BAH! Get off me!
Me: NEVER! NOT UNTIL I GET YOUR LUCKY CHARMS!
Lucy: YOU'LL NEVER GET MY- Wait. What?
Me: Bloody hell, he got away again! *stomps off, sulking, muttering about leprechauns*
Lucy:...I really shouldn't be surprised anymore.

Heather: good god keri put lucy on the phone for me ok i need to have a little talk with him

Keri: Me: Okily-dokily! *covers phone* LUUUUCCCCY! Phone for ya!
Lucy:...There are no phones here. I got them disconnected. You're talking into your wallet.
Me:...
Wallet: *flips open*
Me:...So I am. *slowly closes wallet, calmly picks up other cell phone hidden in pocket* Heather? Yeah. Okay. Lucy! She still wants to talk to you!
Lucy: How...what...you know what? I won't glorify you enough to ask.
Me: *pauses, thinking of something witty to say*
Lucy: Don't hurt yourself.
Me: Arse. *long pause* Yeah, that was the extent of my wit.
Lucy: *sighs, holds out hand for phone* Yes?

Heather: Me: hello lucy just wondering how you are holding up down there with her

Keri: Lucy: Aw, Jeebus, lady! Would you hurry up with those Pixie Sticks? *whispering* She is literally driving me mad!
Me: *in background* Oops! That wasn't a sandwhich! LUCY! I just microwaved your house's deed!
Raphael: *in background*Don't mind her, she just doesn't have the right mind to do...er...
Lucy: Much of anything?
Me: ARSE!
Lucy: Anyways. You better get those sticks soon, or else there won't be much left of Hell left.

Heather: yah see about that the purple lightnin stole all of the pixie sticks so i was wondering if we could make some sort o deal here because seeing as you obviously DON'T want her down there i think we can come to some sort of terms k

Keri: Lucy: Well, I don't normally make deals with mortals, considering they're all fleshy...icky...and have sacks of fluids in them...I mean, ewww...*shudders* *pauses* Ahem. Yes. Let us discuss like civilized- JEEBUS, DROP THAT MACHETE! MY WATER PIPE SYSTEM IS NOT A JUNGLE! Ahem. Anyways. Yes. We can make a deal, flesh-bag.

Heather: hey i would watch who you are calling a flesh bag mister! i'm the one who is going to be getting her out of the for you. *mumbles*jeez demons these days.

Keri: Me: *background* Did I hear the word demon with days?! *singing* Demon days are coming by, it's so hard for my soul to survive! *pause* ...Something, something, something, something! Blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah!
Lucy:...I apologize. Right now. Stop this.
Raphael: DUET! *singing* Blah blah blah blah blah blah something!
Lucy: STOP THEM! MAKE THE MUSIC STOP!

Heather: Ok here's the deal you give me back keri and i get the horible music to stop it's a win-win sitituation for you so take it or get your ENTIRE place destoryed *background music*dunh dunh dunh

Keri: Lucy:...Sigh, I guess that it is the only way.
Me: LUCCCCY! I'LL NEVER LET GO! * a la Titanic*
Lucy: *smacks forehead* Okay. But it ain't so simple. You have got to convince the Judgement Gods that she can go back. They're in Limbo...I can egt you there, but that's about it. I think they're Timmy...Leknaat...John Travolta...and there's a few more, but I really can't remember.
Me: You're hippocampus must be fried! LIKE CHICKEN!
Lucy:...Pack your things. 

Heather: now how do you execpet my to convince them that she should be realsed don't you have the power to do that?! like aren' you the most powerfullest thing in death?!! jeez the whole reason she is down there is because of what she did to them maybe if there were other people than that i would but if not you are going to have to find some other way to do it

Keri: Lucy: *whines* Jeeeebuuuuus, what can I do? I'm stick down here for eternity! Hey, know what? I can just send you up to the Big G. Take your case with him- as much as I hate to say it, he's got more power than me. In fact, I'll send her up there with you.
Me: I'M GOING TO HEAVEN! HAH! In your face, EVERYONE! MWAHAHAHAHA!
Lucy: *covers phone* You know, you're really not doing much for your case.
Me: That's okay. My case is a suitcase, so it can take some punishment, right, case? *boots suitcase*
Suitcase: Merph!
Lucy: DID YOUR SUITCASE JUST TALK?!
Me:...No. It was more of a disgruntled noise.
Lucy:...Fine. I don't care. *back into phone* How about that? Wanna go see God?

Me: So, when are we going to be there?
Lucy: Eventually. *walking up Hell's stairway to Limbo*
Me:...
Lucy:...No, don't you dare-
Me: Are we there yet?
Lucy:...No...
Me: Are we there yet?
Lucy:...NO.
Me:...
Lucy:...
Me:...Are we there YET?!
Lucy: NO, WE ARE NOT THER-
Me: Now?
Lucy: NO, FOR THE LOVE OF ME, N-
Me: Are we there yet?
Lucy: *screaming, flailing about* NO! WE ARE NOT THERE YET!
Me:...Are we there NOW?
*ten minutes later*
Me: Are we there yet?
Lucy: *sobbing uncontrollably* NO.
Me: Are we there yet?
Lucy:...Yes.
Me: REALLY?!
Lucy:...No.
Me:...You're mean.
Lucy:...Shut up.
Me:...*sulking* Stupid Lucy. Stupid stairway. Stupid everything. *looks down, sees pebble on stairs* Stupid pebble. I LOATHE YOU, PEBBLE! *kicks pebble off stairs*
Lucy:...*stares at me, blinking*...Ooookay.
Pebble: NOOO! I CAN STILL MAKE YOU HAPPY! *drops off into distance*
Me:...
Lucy:...
Me:...What the...?
Lucy: Don't ask. God's a weird guy.
Big Voice: DON'T KICK MY PEBBLE.
Me: Whaa-AHHHH! *stairway disappears, both fly up towards giant bubble* LUUUCY!
Lucy: Did you WANT to piss off God?!
Me: *squeals in fright* We're gonna be eaten by a giant BUBBLE!
Both: *fly into bubble with a "Poof"*
Big Voice: I love doing that.

Me: AHHH! *drops into Limbo* ... *gets off calmly, brushes off dust* Well, that was fun.
Lucy: *smack on ground* *muffled voice* I hate you.
Me: *beams proudly* Anywho, we're in Limbo.
Lucy: *brushes self off* So we are.
Me: Sooo...we do what now?
Lucy: Wait for your friend.
Me: Oh. Yay! Why?
Lucy:...You're the only person I know who can use all punctuation marks in the same breath.
Me: 'Cause I'm special.
Raphael: Boo-yaka!
Me: Raph, my old buddy!
Raphael: Welcome to Limbo!
Me: Do you...work here?
Raphael: Nah. I just wander around. Being immortal and having no needs is quite boring. Hey, the other day, guess what I did?
Me: What?
Raphael: I went back in time and kicked Columbus in the crotch!
Me:...
Lucy:...
Mashed potatoes:...
Me: YAY! POTATOES! *eats potatoes*
Raphael:...I want some potatoes...
Me: Grr! MINE!
Lucy: *sighs* *snaps fingers* *potatoes appear for Raphael*
Raphael: YAY! Potatoes! *eats potatoes*
Lucy: *flops down on ground* Now, we just sit and wait.
Me: Hey, look, it's John Travolta!
John: You- *spontaneously combusts*
Me:...
Raphael:...
Lucy:...I don't like him.
Me:...Can I get super powers like that, too?
Lucy:...No.
Raphael:...Possibly in Heaven.
Me:...
Lucy:...No.
Me: *jumps up and down happily* You mean...I can get...HEAD-EXPLODY?!
Lucy: *smacks forehead* Crap.

Heather: *Ring Ring* Hello does somebody want to pick up now
Keri: Me: *picks up phone* Hullo? Miss Heather! Yeah, you ready to come join us?
Raphael: More friends?!
Lucy: No. Everyone hates you.
Raphael: *lip quivvers* What? *single tear drops from eye*
Lucy:...This really makes my day.
Me: *still on phone, rambling* So, you see, this giant beast of a pebble was all like "NO, YOU CANNOT PASS, FOR I AM THE INVINCIBLE PEBBLE!" And I was all like "OH YEAH? WELL, TAKE THIS!" And Lucy was all like "Oh, no, woe is me! I am ever so stupid!" and then I went "POW! BAM! BANG!" and the pebble was all like "OH NO! YOU HAVE DEFEATED ME, MIGHTY KERI!" And so I was all like- *looks at the others* GASP! *runs over and pats Raphael on the back* It's okay, Raph, what did meany-weenie Lucy say?
Raphael: *between sobs* He-*hic* said that no one *sob* liked *tear* me!
Me: Aww, well, he was just lying, everyone likes Raph! More than Raymond, even!
Raphael: *sobs* I hate Raymond!
Lucy:...*shakes head in shame*
Me: Arse.

Raphael: And last week *sob* three of my pet rocks died! *bursts into tears*
Me: *pats Raph on the back understandingly*
Lucy:...You know what? I'll be over there. I can actually FEEL myself getting stupider around here. *stomps off, grumbling*

Heather: Soo anyways how am i sposed to get there? i don't have any pixie sticks

do u  just get lucy to open a portal for me or what

Keri: Me: Hm...give me half a sec. *turns to Lucy* Luuucy! Are you gonna teleport her or something?
Lucy: *grumbles*
Me: Whaaaat?
Lucy: *snaps fingers, portal appears*
Me:...Yay! Just walk through the portal, Miss Heather!
Lucy:...You trust the portal?
Me: Come on! We've already died- what's the worst that could happen?
Raph: Man, you guys must really laugh in Death's face!
Me:...No, we kind of...snicker and giggle behind Death's back.
Raph:...
Me:...
Lucy:...
*half a minute later*
Raph:...What are you doing?
Me: Meditating. It helps me connect with my inner axe murderer.
Lucy:...

Heather: did i just hear him say "you trust the portal" in a shocked voice i don't know if i want to die again but meh its the only way he is going to get rid of you so i trust it *walks through portal*

Keri: Me: *tapping foot impatiently* Luucy, when is she getting here?
Lucy: She IS here. Moron. She came through the other portal.
Me: *turns around, sees Heather casually strolling along* MISS HEATHER! *runs over, going out of way to push Lucy whilst trying to make it look casual*
Lucy:...*makes everything catch on fire*
Me:...*stops* *blinks* A few seconds ago, this was a happy place.
Lucy: Meh. *shrugs* Let's continue. *opens portal to stairway*
Me:...I hate stairways. And pebbles. Come, Miss Heather! Up the stairs we go!

Heather: fine i'll go up the stair god *whispers to lucy* hi im heather i am teribbly sorry for all that has happened to u. i know how insane keri can get but im sure she didn't mean to cause to much trouble

Keri: Me: *halfway up first flight* *singing, quite horrendously* And she's buying a stairway to Heaven! When she gets there she knows, that if the stores are all closed, with a word she can get what she came for!
Lucy:...Somehow, that's hard to believe. *follows up stairway*
*Halfway up*
Me: Stupid stairs. Stupid everything. Stupid pebble.
Lucy: Wait. What? *sees pebble* NOOOO! *jumps in front of pebble*
Me:...I wasn't going to kick it, you know.
Lucy: Then why is your foot an inch away from it?!
Me: I was going to...nudge it...friendly-like...

Heather: why are you so paroiniod its just a pebble see watch *kicks pebble*

Keri: Lucy: NOOOOO! *cringes*
Me: Squee! *hides behind Lucy*
Raphael:...*blinks*
*Two minutes later...*
Lucy: *un-cringes* What the...?
Me: Yay! Heather's magic!
Raphael:...What?
Me: See, Heather kicked the evil pebble, but it didn't send us at a terribly high-speed into a giant bubble! Therefore, she is magic!
Raph:...Ohh, you mean YOU kicked God's Pebble?
Me:...It was really Lucy, you know.
Lucy: What? I'm not stupid enough to kick the pebble!
Me:...It was still him.
Raph:...I believe anyone but Lucy. That's normally the way to go.
Me: *nods calmly* Indeed.
Lucy: I DID NOT KICK THE PEBBLE!
Me:...Sure you didn't.
Lucy:...When I get rid of you, I'll laugh for a week straight.
*Ten minutes later*
Me: *singing, again, horrendously* And as we wind on down the road! Our shadows taller than our souls! There walks a lady we all know! Who shines white light and wants to show! How everything still turns to gold! And if you listen very hard! The tune will come to you at last! When all is one and one is all! To be a rock and not to roll! *jumps up on staircase, does dramatic pose* And she's buying a stairway...to Heaven! *air guitars*
Lucy:...*chucks rock at me*
Me: NOOO! *falls backwards*
Raph:...Was that a pebble?
Lucy:...Hell.
Me:...Arse. *staircase disappears, etc, etc...*

Heather: what the hell???!!! whats happening why are you guys falling the staircase is still there so why are you guys falling
and why is raph not flying he has wings you know

Keri: Big Voice: It ain't falling? Give me a sec... *distant* Hey! Ralph! The staircase-release button ain't working! *muttering* Sure! Whatever, Ralph! Jeez, that guy's an ass. I should kill him.
Lucy: *clears throat* We're still here.
Big Voice: Ah, my dear brother, Lucy!
Lucy: I'm not your brother! Jeebus, just transport us there.
Big Voice: I don't take orders from you!
Lucy:...*taps foot in annoyance*
Big Voice:...
Me:...
Raph:...
Me:...*whispering* Is he always like this?
Raph: *whispering back* Yeah, but it's just because he likes to show off.
Lucy: COME ON! We haven't got all day?! What else are you going to do?!
Big Voice:...I could...plant my tulips. I haven't done that yet.
Lucy:...I really, really hate you.
Me:...More than me?
Lucy:..............
Me:...
Lucy:...You have created quite a problem. I am unsure as to how to dissect my pure hatred for either of you to come to a suitable reply.
Me:...
Raph:...Anyways. God, can't you just teleport us?
Big Voice:...No.
Raph:...You suck.
Me: Hey, look, half of the staircase is gone!
Lucy:...That's her, sharp as a spoon.
Me: About time I got the respect I so rightfully deserve!
Lucy:...
Raph: Hey, she was observing.
Me: Yeah! I was obskervin!
Raph:...Well, I tried.
Lucy:...Was that as painful as it looked?
Raph:...Yeah. It really was.
Me: Hey, look!
Lucy: No more cows. No more staircases.
Me: NO! It's a portal!
Everyone: Ohhh...
Portal: FEED ME!
Me: I wasn't under the assumption that portals could talk.
Portal: I wasn't under the assumption that you knew anything about portals.
Me:...Ah, touche.

Heather: um is that portal going to eat me? do i have to take out my rapier to beat it up like i did to that other guy that was buging my *takes to keri* by the way keri did that guy ever survive the whole beating and the roof falling on top of him *goes back to rambiling* so yah isn't my sword nice *takes it out* oops forgot to clean it hehehe * the sword is covered in blood*

Keri: Raph:...*slowly steps back* Yo, I don't do the whole...stabbing Raphael thing.
Lucy:...*pokes portal* I doubt it can eat anyone. It's jsut a little weener portal.
Me: *talking to Heather* Hmm...well, I'm sure that the guy is dead. Possibly in Hell. I didn't see him there, though...maybe he's in Limbo. It's a big place.
*In Limbo*
That Dead Guy:... *glances around*...
Judgement Guys: NEXT! Ticket number seventeen billion and forty-two!
That Dead Guy:...*looks at ticket*... *goes to judgement centre* Hi. That's me.
Judgement Top Guy: Hm...I have looked at your records. *holds up records*
Records: *has word ARSE stamped across it*
J.Top Guy: According to this, you are an arse. I can't let arses into Heaven! You're going to Hell. *pauses* However, since you were killed by the duo of mass destruction...you can stay in Limbo.
That Dead Guy:...Yay? *portals opens and eats him up*
John Travolta: Mwahaha! Being King of Limbo is goood! New slave...polish the disco ball! I want to be able to see my gyrating in it!
That Dead Guy:...I just died a little inside.
*Back with us*
Me: Hmm...I know a logical and smart way to go about this! YARR! *jumps into portal*
Everyone:...
Raph:...Meh. *follows*
Lucy:...you have got to be kidding me.

Heather: meh i may as well step through as well

Keri: Portal: Yummy...crap! Indigestion!
Everyone: *spit out in Heaven*
Me: *jumps up* MWAHAHAHA! FEEL THE WRATH OF KERI!
Tourist: Wha- *head explodes*
Me: MWAHAHA! At last, my evil plot of super powers has come to fruition!
Raph: I'm not sure you can do tha- *head explodes*
Everyone:...
Raph: *head comes back* ...I hate you.
Me:...You know, I didn't mean to do that to you. Really.
Raph: I bet.
Me: I didn't.
Raph: Uh huh.
Me: Seriously.
Raph: Of course.
Me:...Stop that!
Raph: Oh, I believe you.
Me:...You don't sound like it.
Raph: But I do.
Me:...
Raph: Seriously.
Lucy: Oh, for the love of- NO! HE DOESN'T BELIEVE YOU!
Me: I knew it!
Michael: Welcome to Hea- what are you guys doing here?
Raph: Hey, my buddy! We're just here for a visit.
Michael: Oh. Then you have GOT to try out the Seraphin Tea Hut. It's great.
Raph: Yeah. I know! *whispering to Lucy* It's a nasty place. I mean, NASSSSTY.
Michael:...I can hear you.
Raph:...
Me:...
Michael:...*head explodes*
Me: YES!
Lucy:...This is not a good way to beg for your life back.

Heather: Humph i already had powers i don't need heaven to have them so ha in your face...... if u still have one that is
so where to first guys. i hear they have an ausume water park

Keri: Me: Not as good as my park!
Lucy: Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me: No, your decorator was the worst idea ever. Mine was the second worst idea ever. SECOND.
Lucy:...It so depresses me to see how happy you are with that.
Me: I am so smart! SMRT!
Lucy: Anyways, we should head out to see the Big G- *pauses* *looks behind*
Everyone: YAY! *running off to amusement park*
Lucy:...Why am I the only one who doesn't have ADD?
*At amusement park* *in huge line*
Everyone:...*grumble*
Me:...*everyone's heads in front explode*...*shifty eyes*
Raph:...You are very lucky that this is my favourite ride.
Me: Then allow me to lessen the waiting time more. *people's heads on ride explode*
Raph:...You know, there are times when extremes don't work.
Me: Yeah, good thing I just got back from Hell or else that might frighten me.
Some Guy: *head reappears* I hate you.
Me: Aw, that hurts.
Some Guy: Not as much as this!
Me: Wha- *spontaneous combustion*
Everyone:...
Me: *reappears*...Touche.
Raph: Hey, no one does that to my needlessly violent friend!
Some Guy: *implodes*
Everyone:...
Another Guy: Okay, okay, break it up! We'll have no more power explod- *head explodes*
Raph:...He was a terrifying man, you know.
Me: How scary can he be? he just exploded! Like boom!
Another Guy: *head reappears* *mumbling, quickly rising in pitch* You know, you try to be a nice guy, don't go around decapitating people any more, you get an education, settle down a bit, work your ass off to get into Heaven, and THEN some JERK makes your HEAD go BOOM!
Me:...He is pretty scary.
Another Guy: *pulls out Sky Scorcher from nowhere*
Petty Person in lineup: It's...it's...Lu Bu! *screams and runs off*
Me:...*puts on disguise* Ze Keri? She is  ze gone, yeah?
Lu Bu: *stops screaming*...*looks at me pitifully* Come on. I said I got something of an education. I'm not that stupid...anymore.

Heather: Lu Bu's here......Wh..Whe...Where's ZANG HE?????!!!!!!!!! i want him.... i want him..... i want him NOW

Keri: Me: *hiding behind Raphael* Save me!
Raph: *stepping away slowly* Hey, hey, now let's not get violent here...
Lu Bu: No, I really think we should get violent. I think this really calls for violence of an extreme measure.
Raph: Now, now, can't we solve this like gentlemen?
Lu Bu:...No. *swipes Raph's head off*
Raph: *head pops back up* *frowning* That was uncalled for.
Lu Bu: No, I'm quite sure it was.
Raph: No, it was uncalled for. Like THIS. *Cerberus rises from Hell, tramples the park, eats up Lu Bu, setting everything on fire*
Everyone:...
Me:...Wow.
Lu Bu: *reappears* ...You're right. That was uncalled for.
Raph: I thought as much.
Me: *slinking away slowly*
Voice: Hark! I shall beautifully sweep down and save you! *pops up* You are saved!
Me:...
Lu Bu: *notices me getting away* AHA!
Me:... *glares at Zhang He* Thanks. You know what? Thanks, man. I really wanted to get my just desserts.
Zhang He: I-
Me: No, just thanks. Thanks a whole bunch. That really makes my day.
Lu Bu: *waiting patiently* Are you done yet?
Me: Give me a sec. *back to Zhang He* Thanks for the present. It's peachy. Now I can sleep well tonight, knowing that you caused my something-ith death.
Lu Bu:...Done?
Me: Wait. *back to Zhang He* You suck.
Lu Bu: Done?
Me: Yeah.
Lu Bu: Good. *chops me in half*
Me: *reappears* Now did that make you happ-
Lu Bu: Nope. *does so again*
Me: *reappears* Would you stop tha-
Lu Bu: Never. *chops*
Me: *reappears...again* Thanks for helping me, guys-
Lu Bu: Shut up. *chop*
Raph:...You know, I would help, but I don't like getting in the way of justice. Makes me feel like I shouldn't be in Heaven.
Lucy: I just don't like you.
Me: Chaming.
Lu Bu: Yep. *chop*
Me: HELP!
Lu Bu: *chops*
Me: *reappears, giving Lu Bu the finger*
Lu Bu: BAH! *chop*
Zhang He:...Well, this is...beautiful.
Raph: Really, eh?
Me: *in background* CALL BATMAN!

Heather: hey lu bu no one cuts my friend in half and gets away with it *pulls out sword and grins evily*
lu bu: *goes to cut keri again*
Me: i don't think so *steps in frount of him and counters the attack

Keri: Me:...Yay! I have a friend! No thanks to YOU guys!
Raph: *shrugs*
Lucy: Meh.
Me:...Arses. *watches the fight* ...You know what? This could go on forever.
Raph: Yeah, and I have to get back home at some point.
Lucy: How come when he complains, no one cares, but when I complain, everyone hates me?
Me: Shut up, Lucy.
Raph: Yeah, no one likes you.
Lucy: Fine. I want to go home anyways. I know what to do. *pulls out cell phone* Yeah? Is the lady home? Oh, hey. Yeah, he's doing it again. Okay. Sure.
Me: *shrugs at Raph*
Raph: *shrugs*
Zhang He: What a beautiful shrug-fest! *happily shrugs*
Me:...*blinks*...You know what, He? You're great. Honestly. I love ya, man.
Zhang He: *brilliant smile that puts the sun to shame* I know. Everyone does.
Voice: LU BU! WHAT are you doing?!
Me: Ohh, our boy is in trouble now.
Diao Chan: LU BU!
Lu Bu: Um...er...*drops weapon* *points to Heather* She started it! Look! She has a weapon! I don't!
Diao Chan: WHAT did I SAY about FIGHTING?
Lu Bu: *sulking* No more.
Diao Chan: Right. And what are you doing?!
Lu Bu: *rubbing foot into ground, looking like boy being scolded by mother* Fighting.
Diao Chan: And so what are you going to do now?!
Lu Bu: *looks up with puppy-dog eyes* Stop?
Diao Chan:...Fine. Let's go home.
Lu Bu: *happily follows her*
Raph:...Oh, by the way, Mrs. Diao Chan! You see all the charred remains of everything? That was Lu Bu!
Diao Chan:...WHAT?!
Lu Bu: *glares at Raph* I hate you.
And the happy couple are heard going off into the distance...
Me:...Hey, wanna stalk some dead people? *without waiting for reply, runs off* ZHUGE LIANG! WHERE ARE YOU!
Raph:...I hate my after-life.

Heather: o i was having fun o well it was fun meeting diao chan and u zhang he * clings to his arm while looking up with puppy dog eyes and batting her eyelashes* you were very brave to stand up to him

Keri: Zhang He: Ah, me fans! *beams happily* I love my after-life.
Raph: *in background* Don't steal my joke, arse!
Zhang He: *sticks tongue out over shoulder*
Raph: *simmering with rage* *rambling* How is it that I can summon Cerberus and yet he gets a girl hanging off his arm? What do I get? Following around a group of-
Lucy: Shut up.
Raph:...You're right. I should be worried. The other living-dead person ran off. At some point, everything is going to catch on fire. *catches on fire*...Real funny, Lucy.
Lucy: Hey, I thought it was hilarious.
Zhuge Liang: *pops up* I would really appreciate it if you could stop your friend from kicking me. Though I am dead, I find it very annoyin-
Me: *runs over the hill* I found steel-toe shoes! COME BACK, ZHUGER!
Zhuge Liang: *sighs* What did I do to deserve this?
Me: *pauses thoughtfully* Well, you did insult my favourite characters. And try to kill them. And harass them. And I just don't like you. *stares at him with squinty eyes*
Zhuge Liang:...You have flawed reasoning.
Me: I'll flaw you! *boots him*
Zhuge Liang: Ark! That hurt!
Me: Told ya. Steel toe. Perfect for booting.
Raph: What took you so long?
Me: Oh, I also had to find some socks to match my hat.
Raph: But...you're not wearing a hat.
Me: Exactly.
Raph:...
Me: Anyways. This is great. We can harrass whoever we want! *boots Zhuge again* Go get Liu Bei! I wanna boot him too!
Zhuge Liang:...Screw that. *disappears*
Me:...Oh.
Zhang He: I know where everyone beautifully hangs out! Follow me! *skips off yonder*
Me: Yay! *follows*
Raph: *running* Why are we following HIM?!

Heather: because he rocks thats why raph jeez men can be quite dumb sometimes but not my zhang he .hes never dumb because he is prettyful  and you aren't as prettyful as him so you are dumb *runs of to catch up with zhang he*

Keri: Raph: I've been ditched! *sulks* I'm going home!
Lucy: Oh, no, you're not. If I'm stuck here, then you're stuck here.
Raph: How are you gonna stop me?
Lucy: I'll break both of your legs.
Raph:...If it was anyone else, I would laugh.
Lucy: I thought so. *walks off to follow others*
Raph:...Stupid ugly guy. *follows, grumbling*
*At front*
Zhang He: And here we are, my beautiful, dearest friends!
Me:...Maaaan.
Sign: Welcome to THE PLACE.
THE PLACE: *has gardens, amusement parks, arcades, what have you*
Me:...So everyone is here?
Zhang He: Yup. Everyone who's cool.
Raph: Then how can we get in?
Me: Meh. Loophole. *runs off*

Raph: So...why haven't I heard about this before?
Zhang He: Because you're not cool.
Raph:...But I'm an Archangel! A bloody Archangel! How can you beat that?!
Zhang He: I can because...er...I just can, right, Heather?
Me: *in the distance* HEY! Look! I found more peoples!
*Screams are heard in the distance*

Heather: yup you are right zhang he you are so much cooler than Raph *looks behind and sticks out tounge at him * heehee *starts skipping with zhang he* keri look .... look i made him skip :).... he's skipping :D keri quit buging people and look over here before he stops :)

Keri: Me: *peeks over hilltop* YAY! SKIPPING! *yells something over hill* MISS HEATHER! CHECK THIS OUT! Everyone! CONGA LINE!
*Over hilltop, huge-freaking-line of DW people come over doing conga...minus Lu Bu, Diao Chan, and Zhuge Liang*
Conga Line: Conga conga cong-GA! Conga conga cong-GA!
Me: Wait a sec! *runs back to line* YOU! *pulls out Liu Bei* You're an embarrasment to-
Liu Bei: *sobs* Mankind?
Me: No. Me. Moron. *boots him*
Cao Cao: YAY!
Me: I knew you'd be happy.
Liu Bei: *sobs* Please stop! I'll give you Liu Chan!
Liu Chan: WHAT?!
Me: Hmm...is he toilet trained?
Liu Bei: *whispering* No, but he's very sensitive about it.
Liu Chan: That's a dirty lie!
Me: Shush, boy! *boots him*
Liu Chan: Ack!
Me: Good boy.
Liu Bei: So is it a deal?
Me: Hmm...nope. You suck. So very much. It actually hurts to talk to you. My spleen is exploding.
Liu Bei:...I'll give you my house!
Me: Nah.
Liu Chan: But, daddy, we live there!
Liu Bei: Shut up. God, you're useless.
Liu Chan: *cries* But we need to keep the bullies in the dungeon!
Liu Bei: I'll cut their heads off. And mount them on Cao Cao's Wall of Death.
Cao Cao: Whoot! I love that wall.
Liu Chan: But there's so many! What about them?! *points to pile*
Liu Bei: Yeah. I still have to pin them up. They're going in your room.
Liu Chan: What's wrong with your room?!
Liu Bei: That's where I keep my embarassing pictures of you.
Liu Chan: *cries*
Me:...I take it back. After that show of fatherhood, Liu Bei, you may conga. Liu Chan...go stand...over there...with Lucy.
Lucy:...Damn it.

Heather: ok the rest of them can conga but zhang he is not leaving me chuck raph i there but not my hottie opps did i ust say that out loud *looks mischevoius* i sooo did not mean to sy that out loud *giggles* heeheehee

Keri: Me: Hm...*taps chin in thought* I guess. Raph! Get in there!
Raph: *conga-ing* One step ahead of ya!
Me:...Sometimes, I long to castrate you.
Raph: *sticks tongue out*
Me: *shakes fist*
And lo, they did conga long into the night!
And lo, afterwards, they did have a giant bonfire!
Me: And then the pebble was all like "GRR! I DEFEAT EVERYTHING!" And I said "NEVER! FOR I AM THE DEFENDER OF JUSTICE!" And then-
Lu Meng: Wait. There are a few inconsistences in your story...
Me:...Only a few?
Lu Meng:...Well, there was a lot. But I was trying to be polite.
Me: People shouldn't do that around me.
Gan Ning: Okay! *kicks me in shin*
Me: *falls over, holding shin* I take that back.
Gan Ning: Damn. *sulks* Wait! I didn't hear you, la la la, la la la!
Me:...You're really drunk, aren't you?
Gan Ning: *completely serious* Extremely.
Me:...Crap. HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!
Everyone: *turns around* Anyways...
Me:...I hate this.
Gan Ning: *sharpening scimitar* I love being drunk! I'm excusable for everything!
Me: *grumbling, stomps off* If I run, he's faster. If I fight, he'll kick my ass. Plus, he's funky, so I don't want to blow him up. DAMN YOU, HUMAN FUNKINESS!
Gan Ning: Hey, look, a butterfly! *runs after butterfly*
Me:...Problem solved.
Zhuge Liang: *smacks me upside the head*
Me:...Arse.
Zhuge: I didn't do it.
Me: Yes you did!
Zhuge: No I didn't. You can't prove it.
Me: NING! He did, didn't he?!
Zhuge:...No.
Gan Ning:...Yes.
Me: SEE?!
Heather: so keri if this is the land of the pretty then that means that *poof legolas appears* Squee it worked =3 i will hug him and kiss him and keep him for ever and ever and never let anything happen to him

****so keri if this is the land of the pretty then that means that *poof legolas appears* Squee it worked =3 i will hug him and kiss him and keep him for ever and ever and never let anything happen to him ****
except me of course:)

Keri: Legolas:...Meep.
Gimli: Love meeee!
Me:...Okay! *hugs Gimli* Gah! Your face fuzz hurts! It's aliiiiiiive! *runs, hides behind Lu Xun* You've no face fuzz. I hug you. *does so*
Lu Xun:...Peachy?
Me: Indeed. Now, you shall be enlighten, and christened as a slave of Keri.
Lu Xun:...Crap.
Lu Meng: I would help, but...I'm busy.
Lu Xun:...But you're not doing anythin-
Lu Meng: Shut up. I am SO busy. *looks busy by roasting marshmellow*
Me: Mwahahaha! I win!
Lu Xun:...Cao Pi? A little help here?
Cao Pi:...Sure. *walks off*
Me:...Aren't you guys enemies?
Lu Xun: Once upon a time. Now we're pen pals.
Me:...Sweeeet. Can I be a pen pal? Minus the pen. I don't have a pen.
Lu Xun:...Then you can't be a pen pal. You're out of the club.
Me: There's a pen pal CLUB?! Be right back! *runs off to Gan Ning* Ning! I need a pen!
Lu Xun: *sneaks off*
Gan Ning: A pen? I have an empty whiskey bottle...but I dinnae have a pen!
Me: Hmm...but do you know where there would be a pen?
Gan Ning: In my pants! *hic*
Me: *serious* Don't tempt me.
Gan Ning:...*takes a step backwards*
Me:...*walks over to Zhang Jiao* Jesus, do you have a pen?
Zhang Jiao: I am not Jesus! I am the great Zhang Ji-
Me: I'll take that as a no. Hey, Raph, got a pen?
Raph: Hm?
Me: Got a pen?
Raph: Here. *gives pen* I'm busy.
Me: Doing whaaat?
Raph:...Nice whine.
Me: Shut up.
Raph: Anyways, I'm trying to think of how to hit on that chick over there.
Me:...That person?
Raph: Yeah. She's hot.
Me:...That one?
Raph:...Yeeeah.
Me: Um...Raph?
Raph: Yeah?
Me: That's Zhou Yu.
Raph: Annnnnd?
Me:...That's a guy.
Raph:...
Me:...
Raph:...I just died a little inside.
Me: Some people play tennis. I erode the human soul.

Heather: lol ha raph did the same thing i did when i saw Zhou Yu......with out the whole hitting on thing but i did think he was a girl =3 *nods head* i did i really did

Keri: Raph: *sobs* Thank you! HAH! *points at me* Told you I wasn't the only one!
Me:...Um...thanks?
Raph:...I don't think you understand my point.
Me: I doubt I do.
Raph:...
Me: That happens often. Hey, look! Titty McGee! *points and laughs at Xu Zhu*
Xu Zhu: How dare you! I eat guys like you for breakfast!
Long pause...crickets are heard...
Me:...That's disgusting!
Xu Zhu: *cries*
Me: Xu Zhu, your eating guys-like-me days are over! *hands him phone*
Voice on Phone: Hello. Xu, this is Dr. Phil. Can I help you?
Xu Zhu: *bursts into tears* Yes!
Me: Too bad. *takes back phone* Sorry, mate. I ain't paying for this. *hangs up*

Heather: lmao i saw dr. phil cut off his foot in scary moive 4 it was funny because he cut off the wrong foot lmao
Legolas:...... heather what does that have to do with anything
Me:.. keri mentioned dr. phil so i had to say it jeez it's a good thing you are so hott or i wouldn't be talking to you right now
legolas: me hot *shocked look on his face* O well i know that allready. jeez heather. why else do you think i'm here and the only elf to travel with the fellowship??!! if there was another we could have just melted down the ring with our hottness but then there wouldn't have been a story would there have now. *patts me on the head* you have to think about these things *talks to zhang he* it's a good thing shes hot or i wouldn't be takng to her right now ethier
Me: i can hear you, you know

Keri: Me:...Don't plagues KILL people?
Gan Ning: Poppycock! That's just an old wives tale!
Me:...I'm sure it is.
Gan Ning: Honestly. I wouldn't lie to you.
Me: That probably has something to do with the fact that I convinced Wei Yan that I'm the jungle queen. Or something like that. I'll let him judge it.
Gan Ning: *wide eyes, whispering* ARE you the jungle queen?
Me:...Yes.
Gan Ning:...Really?!
Me:...Would I lie to you?
Gan Ning: I don't think so-
Raph: The answer is yes!
Me: Hey, Raph?
Raph: Yeah?
Me: Fetch. *chucks ball at him*
Raph:...Yay! *catches* Hey, what is it?
Me:...A nothing.
Raph: A nothing? What's a nothin- *explodes*
Gan Ning:...What was that?
Me:...A ball.
Gan Ning:...Did it make him explode?
Me: No. I did that.
Gan Ning: Then...why did you make him hold the ball?
Me: Because I wanted to know if a ball would explode.
Gan Ning:...And if Raph wasn't there?
Me: You would've held the ball.
Gan Ning:...Ah. I see.
Me:...Said the blind man!
Stevie Wonder: Don't get me involved!
Raph: *appears* Are you even dead?!
Stevie Wonder:...Suuure. *disappears*
Raph:...Man, the laws of death are sure screwed up. I blame this on you.
Me: YAY! Wait. What happens?
Raph: God gets pissed.
Me:...Is that a good thing?
Raph:...Doesn't Lucy already hate you?
Me:...Yes...
Raph: Won't God hate you?
Me: Yes...
Raph:...Then everyone will hate you.
Me:...Yes...
Raph:...And?
Me:...
Raph: Come on...you can do it...make a conclusion...
Me:...
Raph:...I know it hurts, but you can make one...
Me:...That's...bad?
Raph: There we go! Good girl.
Me: That's an oxymoron.
Raph: You're an oxymoron.
Me:...Ah, touche.

Heather: i don't hate keri *no one listens* hey i said i don't hate keri
Zhang He:i don't hate keri ethier if heather doesn't hate you because what heather says goes.:D
Legolas: i don't hate you ethier keri but only because heather doesn't and the fact that you haven't blone me up yet and won't riiight

Keri: Me: Nah, I don't blow up pretty people.
Legolas: Yes!
Zhang He: Whoo!
All of Wu (except Huang Gai, Sun Quan, Sun Jian, Zhou Tai, and such): YAY!
Cao Pi: Sweeeet- wait. Am I pretty?
Me: Um...hotness. Not prettyness. So you're still exempt.
Cao Pi: Even if I do...this? *chops Zhuge Liang in half*
Zhuge:...I hate you.
Me: ESPECIALLY if you do that.
Cao Pi:...I could get used to this. *chops Liu Bei in half*
Me: Yay!
Cao Pi: *chops bunch of random people in half*
Me: Hey, look, that cloud looks like a sheep!
Cao Pi: *chops Lu Xun in half*
Me: What a nice clou- HEY! HEY! No! Bad Cao Pi! *smacks him with paper fan*
Cao Pi: Whaaat? It was an accident!
Lu Xun: *pops up* I'll accident you! *chops Cao Pi in half* Arse! *kicks his corpse*
Me:...Xun?
Lu Xun: Yes?
Me:...This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Lu Xun:...Meep.

Heather: you better not blow up my pretty people or i shall smite you DOWN after asking why you did that and such you know i don't want to kill you just smite you DOWN heehee :D i love you keri <3

Keri: Me: Smite MOI?! *looks offended* *gets distracted* A leaf! A leaf! Leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf, leaf! *looks back at you* I am offended!
Lu Xun: You're offended?
Me: Yes. Deeply.
Lu Xun: Aren't I the one oh-so spontaneously chained to your wrist?
Me:...*jingles wrist chain happily* *looks up, completely serious* So you are.
Lu Xun: Uh huh. And you see nothing wrong with this?
Me: Wrong? Oh, a whole lot is wrong here. I mean, look at the paint on that house! Naasssssty! I think we should burn it down.
Lu Xun:...I can't argue with that.
Me: I didn't think so. Got a match?
Lu Xun: I'll do one better. *pulls out torch*
Me:...I like your style. *pulls out torch* Now, shall we?
And lo, much did burn that night!

Heather: Next morning
why does my head hurt i know that i was not drinking so why does it hurt so much
Legolas: o yah as you were sleeping keri hit you over the head with a pan while mumbling something like "smite me down i'll smite you down" and such
Me: well why didn't you stop her?!
Zhang He: she threatened to explode us and we didn't want to be exploded so we kinda went over to the party and drank ^^;
me:You did WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!
Legolas: EEP don't kill us your highness *both cower in fear*
Me: well i should but you just called me your highness so i can't be to mad at you..... aww come ere and give me a hug *opens arms lovingly*

Keri: Me: *skips by* *notices Heather*... *slowly turns around and sneaks off*
Raph: *watches with interest* HEATHER! Keri's running off! Go get her! GO GO GO!
Me: FETCH! *throws ball at him from afar*
Raph: *screams like a lil girl and runs from ball*
Ball:...*sits there*
Me: *grumbling in the distance*
Lu Xun: *walks by* Oh, hey, did the other one come b- *notices ball*...*walks over to hill* Hey.
Me: *hiding behind hill* Oh, hey. What?
Lu Xun: I have a best friend.
Me: Oh really?
Lu Xun: Yes. It is a very good friend that has been very good to me over the years.
Me: Really now?
Lu Xun: Oh, indeed.
Me: And who is this friend?
Lu Xun: I call it REVENGE! *lights me on fire*
Me:...I hate that guy. *bursts into flames*

Heather: Me:*calls over to Lu Xun* thanks for that i don't have to do it now :) *goes back to talking to legolas* so now that we actully know each other i want you to teach me how to fught like you do k :D o and i want the fancy elvish clothing too

Keri: Me: *pops back up* Me too!
Legolas:...No.
Me:...Aw well, I tried. Hey, Ning!
Gan Ning: Yeah?
Me: Wanna play-
Gan Ning: House?!
Me:...Know what? I don't wanna play with you anymore.
Gan Ning: Yay!
Me:...Hey, look, that snail just moved!
Gan Ning: REALLY?!
Me: Nah. I WISH life were so exciting.
Gan Ning:...You're mean.
Me: Most likely. Now, what do you wanna do?
Gan Ning: I wanna play Kings and Slaves! I claim King!
Me: Fine. I claim God!
Gan Ning:...Crap.
Me: I converge darkness on your kingdom! Your people starve to death!
Gan Ning: I...uh...I...offer sacrifices...?
Me: Good boy.

Lu Xun: *from over the hill* They're REJECTED!
Gan Ning:...ARSE!
Me: Hmm...he IS right, Ning. Your people are all fugly. And emaciated. I don't like that.
Gan Ning:...Damn. What do I do?
Me: Lay down and die?
Gan Ning:...How about I do THIS! *grabs stick and runs off to beat Lu Xun*
Lu Xun: *from over hill* What are you- NO! STUPID NING! MY SPLEEN!
Me:...I love you guys! *happily breaks off branch and goes to help*
*Elsewhere...*
Lucy: *on phone* Okay, so, you got that? You do? Thanks, Martha. You're great. No, no, this is all your doing. Thanks. What? She's there, too? Put her on. Hey, Leknaat? You're an arse. In the wise words of Mr. Brian Clevinger, you are a boil on the ass of humanity and I hope you have cancer. Good day. *slams phone shut*
Raph: Didn 't go too easy on her, did you?
Lucy: Nah. She told the Big G to do the whole pebble thing. I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks.
Raph: Uh huh. Hey, when ARE we gonna see the Big G?

Lucy: Meh. *shrugs* I'm in no hurry. I only have the entire UNDERWORLD to run and a few hundred thousand BILLION demons to RULE OVER.
Raph:...I'm missing your point.
Lucy: You won 't miss this one. *stabs Raph*
Raph: *reappears* You suck. For bus fare. Then walk home. *walks off sulking*
Lucy: Finally! Some peace and quiet!
Big Voice: Hey, Lucy?
Lucy: Hell.
Big Voice: I 'm waiting for you guys.
Lucy: yeah , yeah, whateve - wait.You 're waiting for us? YOU?
Big Voice: Well, yeah. Got to admit, I'm all giddy inside to meet everyone. It's not every day that a couple of kids destroy the rules of Heaven and Earth!
Lucy: And Hell. *grumbles*
Big Voice: What?
Lucy: Hell. You forgot about Hell.
Big Voice: Forget- or just didn't care?
Lucy: *sighs* We'll get there eventually. Do you really wanna rush the duo of destruction?

Big Voice:...They can rush?
*Flashback*
Mother: Keri! You 're late for school!
Me:...I'll get there eventually.
*Three hours later...*
Mother: Are you still here?!
Me:...I said eventually, didn't I?
*End of flashback*
Lucy:...No, I suppose they can't. I vote for sending them to Limbo for eternity.
Big Voice: I don 't care. Hurry up. I'm bored.
Lucy: You 're God! How can you be bored?! Haven't you got enough UNIVERSE to keep you busy?!
Big G 's Voice:...No. It's so very boring.
Lucy: *sighs* I'll see what I can do.
*Ten minutes later*
Lucy: HURRY UP!
Everyone: *stares at him blankly*
Lucy:...
Everyone:...
Lucy:...
Everyone:...
Lucy:...
Everyone:...
Me:...No.
Lucy: Well, I tried.

Back in Liveside...
*At the Keri House*
Mother: KERI! Did you do the dishes yet?!
*Silence...*
Mother: KERI!
*Still more silence...*
Mother: *stamps upstairs, grumbling, to Keri's room*
Minou: Grr! *guards the door*
Mother: Real scary. *throws ball*
Minou: Yay! *runs after it*
Mother: Goo-wait. Did she just talk?
Minou: *stops*...No. *walks off*
Mother:...Anyways. Keri?! *peeks warily into room*
Room: *jungle noises are heard, somewhere, a lion roars*
Mother:... *looks at door* Hm...a note. Should I read this? It should be meant for me...*picks up note*

Note: Dear Birthmother,
I, Keri, have been asked to be the lifeline of Sean Connery as Agent Smith has attacked him. He has requested me to avenge him personally. I have hidden the jade monkey in my drawer, so if Prince Charles comes after it, tell him that he can only have if he brings me the Bermuda Gem. Otherwise, call 0887 on my cell, and Spiderman will come. He owes me one. But do NOT call Superman! I owe him two. I hate that jackass.
PS- Feed Milo and Minou or else they'll turn feral and start eating people again. I'd like to avoid that.

Mother:...*backs slowly out of room, closes door*... *flops down in livingroom*...Good riddance.
*At Keri's dad's house...*
Dad: *calling cell continously* Pick up! Pick up! I won't stop calling until you pick up! You'll never ignore me! MWAHAHAHA-*phone dies*...Damn.
*Back in Heaven...*
Gan Ning: Think they miss ya?
Me: Nah. I made sure Wolverine's watching over them.
*Back on Earth...*
Wolverine:...*watching house*...Damn! This is so freaking BORING! Screw this! *stomps off*

Back in Heaven...
Lucy: We really have to get going.
Raph: *completely uninterested, making flower wreath* Oh? Really now?
Lucy: Yes.
Raph: *finishes wreath, smiles happily, puts it on head* Why?
Lucy: Because the Big G isn't going to wait forever.
Raph: Uh huh. *dancing around with flower wreath on head, throws flowers at Lucy* I'm Ophelia!
Ophelia: *appears, slaps him* No you're not! And you know nothing of my work! *stomps off*
Raph: *grumbling, sulks*
Lucy: Now, Mr. Sulkypants, are you going to listen?
Raph: *still sulking, nods...well, sulkingly*
Lucy: If we don't go see within...well, today, he's just going to ditch us. Now, isn't that a problem?
Raph: Nah. I live here.
Lucy: But do you reeeally want the duo of destruction to live here?
Raph: *eyes go wide, terror on face* I think you know the answer to that.
Lucy: Then we should go.
Raph: But isn't Heather still alive?
Lucy: Well, yeah.
Raph: So how can she get stuck here?

Lucy: Because I screwed up the portal.
Raph:...But you promised on the deal!
Lucy: I think the fact that they trusted me was only one of the many stupid things that have happened.
Raph: *opens mouth, pauses, contemplates, counts things off on fingers, closes mouth and nods* Yeah. I guess.
*Back with everyone...*
Announcer: Now, everyone, it's time for old Huang Zhong's Wisdom Hour!
Everyone: *completely emotionless* ...Yay.
Huang Zhong: Ahem. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved before!
Me: Tell that to Romeo and Juliet!
Gan Ning: Zing!
Huang Zhong:...Jerk.
Me: Meh. *shrugs*
Huang Zhong: Anyways... Believe in yourself, and you can do anything!
Me: False advertising!

Huang Zhong: Would you shut up?!
Me: I got one for ya! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you even tried!
Huang Zhong:...You know what? You suck.
Me: Shock! Gasp! I didn't know. I had no clue. This truly is wisdom!
Huang Zhong: *sulks*
Me: Aw, don't worry, ol' Huangy. We still love ya.
Huang Zhong: *hopeful* Really?
Me: Hell no.
Raph: *pops up* Okay, everyone! We have to go!
Huang Zhong: YES!
Me: Noooo! Wait. Why? What suddenly inspiried you to do something?
Raph: The fact that you guys may end up stuck here?
Me:...Hmm...yes, I can see how that would work.
Lucy: Damn straight. Get going.
Me: Gooooood-byyyyyye eeeeeverrrryooooone!
Gan Ning: *standing beside me* ...I think you just broke my eardrums.
Me: Think of it as a going away present. *says bia to everyone*

Heather: Me: what we are actully going to leave this wonderfull and macical place. but i love it here i don't want to leave legolas and zhang he i love them both o so very much and i can't leave them now they need me and all that and more *continue to talk about why i can't leave*
Legolas: what she can't leave now i was about to teach her some new moves that just thought of
Zhang He: yah she can't leave we need her
Me *stops talking* and thats why i can't go unless they come with me :D
Legolas & Zhang He: yah we won't let her go unless we go with *both stand with arms crossed in frount of me*
Me: aww thats soooo sweet you two

Keri: Me:...*blinks*...*gasp! has revelation! looks happy!* Oh, oh! Can I bring people too!
Everyone: *backs away*
Lucy: For the journey. Sure. I don't care. Let's go.
Me: Can I bring them back to Earth with me?
Lucy: For the love of me, NO! Do you have ANY idea how much that would screw everything up?!
Me: You ARE takling to me, you realize that, right?
Lucy: *slaps forehead* You're right. Not only do you have no problem with destroying the time-space continuum, but that also implies that you have ideas. I seriously doubt that.

Me: Your lack of faith hurts.
Lucy: Not nearly enough.
Me:...
Lucy: Anyways. Bring whoever you want. We're leaving. *starts walking off*
Me: Does everyone have to walk here?
Raph: Yeah. All the buses went to Hell, so we have to walk. A loop hole in the system.
Me: Ah, this explains much. Now, lemme see...who wants to come see God with me?!
Everyone:...*slowly backs away*
Me: Hm...I pick...Gan Ning!
Gan Ning: Crap.
Me: And...uh...Lu Xun!
Lu Xun: *sighs in exasperation*
Me: Annnnnd...aw, hell with it. Everyone comes! Party at God's place!
Everyone: YAAAY!

Heather: party like partys wheres the party o and i am taking legolas and zhang he with me

Keri: Me: To the party! *points into distance dramatically*
Lucy: God's that way. *points up*
Me: *looks up* How do we walk up?
Stairway: *pops up*
Me:...No. Ohhhh, nooooo- that did SO not pop up!
Stairway: *disappears, then pops up again...bigger*
Me:...Why is everything in Heaven a jerk?
Raph: Loop hole.
Me: And I thought they were my friends.
Raph: They found another loop hole in that.
Me:...I'll loop your hole! Ohhh...crap.
Raph: *slowly edges away*
Me:...I didn't mean for that to sound so bad.
Raph:...*sprouts wings and flies up*
Me:...Jerk.

Heather: wings hey i want wings so i shall get wings i shall have a combo of wings it shall be angel wings plus farie wings

Keri: Me: *watches Heather fly up* Hey! I wanna do that too!
Everyone: *flies by*
Me: Hmm...I want...er...hmm...what wings? Um...
*fifteen minutes later, everyone is still flying up*
Raph: Did we lose our reason for being here?
Lucy: I'm trying to care, but it's just not working.
Me: *zooms past* WHOOO!
Raph:...She had wings, so how did they go zoom?
Lucy: There was also a jetpack there. The wings were too big to see.
Me: *turn around, comes back* Hullo! Hey, I figured out I wanted big black feathery wings, but then I wanted to go faster, so I also got a jetpack! WHOOSH! *zooms higher*
Jetpack: Put...put...put...
Me:...Ohhh, crap.
Jetpack: Kaput. *dies*
Me:...Oi. *tosses off jetpack* Okay, that didn't go so well.
Raph: You deserve it for getting one!
Jetpack: *falls, lands on staircase*
*Big, shattering sound is heard*
Everyone:...*pauses, looks behind*
Stairway: *still standing*
Me: Thank Go-
Stairway: *explodes*
Me:...Hell.

Lucy: Great. Big G ain't gonna be too happy about that.
Me: Who makes a stairway out of glass? Serisouly! His fault entirely.
Lucy: Tell that to him.
Me: Fine! I will!
Lucy: Here's your chance.
Big Sign: BIG G'S HOUSE -B.Y.O.B., NOOBS-
Me:...You go first.

Lucy: Hell no. *shoves me through gates*
Me: Hey! *goes right through gates* ...What? Jeez, man! You could've turned me into chop suey! What if those gates weren't illusions? I could be dead again! Do you know how not-fun that is?!
Lucy: I forgot those were illusions.
Me:...Arse.
Lucy: Anyways. *goes through gates*
Everyone: *shrugs, goes through*
Me: *confidently marches to the next set of gates* Jeebus, he certainly likes his gates, don't he? *walks face-first into gates*...
Everyone:...*snicker*
Me:...*muffled* Lucy?
Lucy: *stops snickering* Yeah?
Me:...Did you know about this?
Lucy:...Maybe.
Me:...
Lucy:...*explodes* *reappears, unimpressed*
Me: You asked for it. I distinctly remember you asking for it.
Lucy: *sighs* Let's go.
*gates open up, the house is seen*

Heather: *walks through gate with zhang he and legolas walking behind protectively* wow what a nice house 

Keri: Me: I concur!
Lucy: Sometimes, you sound smart.
Me: I try.
Lucy: I can tell. It looks painful.
Me: Not as painful as THIS! *slams gate in Lucy's face*
Lucy:...*gate explodes*
Me: GASP! That's my thing! *makes Lucy explode*
Lucy: *reappears* I really hope he kicks you out of Hell forever.
Me: Come on, you know that's impossible.
Lucy: *sighs sadly* Yes. I am well aware of that. I was simply dreaming.
Me: In public? That's disgusting.
Lucy:...I'm not even going to try to understand you.
Me: Annnnnyways... *knocks on giant golden door*
Butler: Good day, sirs.
Me: Hey, I'm a bloody madamoiselle!
Butler: Good day...people. Dead people.
Me:...Well, that is better. Anywho, we're here to see God.
Butler: *looks serious, eye twitches...* ... *bursts into laughter*
Me:...I'm serious.
Butler: *tears rolling down face from laughter*
Me: Come on! Really! We are!
Butler: *rolling around on floor, laughing*

Me: For the love of- GOD! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE! *yelling up golden staircase*
Butler: *stops mid-laugh, which looks pretty funny* You did not just yell at God!
Me:... *holds up poster of self, with words "WITCH! HEATHEN! BLASPHEMER!" written all across it* Do you think I didn't earn these? Do you think that I wrote these MYSELF? No! I had to work my BUTT OFF to earn these! Do you know how HARD it was to get a MONK to write these?! A FREAKING MONK!
Lucy: *whistles, impressed* Man, that's like a resume for Hell.
Me: Exactly why I'll be seeing you again.
Lucy:...Where did you get that?
Me: I pulled it out of thin air. Why?
Lucy: How? Wait. I'm sorry, I asked you a question- I forgot that you were a moron.
Me: How silly of you. Silly, silly Lucy.
Lucy: *glares threateningly*
Me: *makes poking motions threateningly*
Lucy: *blinks in bafflement*
Big Voice: YOU MAY ENTER.

Me: Yay! *runs in* AHH! SO SHINY!
Raph: I hate this place!
Me: Augh! Shiny hurts!
Big Voice: MIND THE SHINY. THE GOLD DOES THAT.
Me: I'd say.
Big Voice: AND YOU SHOULD.
Me: So I do.
Big Voice: 'BOUT TIME YOU DID SOMETHING RIGHT.
Me: How about coming down here and sayin' that to my face?!
Big Voice: I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE.
Me: Why I oughta- *runs up stairs*
Big G: *steps out from behind curtain* Haha. Love doing that.
Lucy: Ever the jerk, aren't you?
Big G: It's a gift. Ahem. *big voice* NOW BOW BEFORE YOUR GOD!
*Shoe comes out of nowhere and hits him*
Big G: What the- oh, come on, who throws a shoe?!
Me: *runs down stairs* I need my shoe. *grabs shoe, looks at it, throws it again* EAT SHOE!
Big G:...Wasn't there a reason for you coming here?
Me: *pauses*...LUCY!
Lucy: Aw, jeebus. What?
Me: We had a reason for doing this, right?
Lucy: Yeah. Start begging.
Me: Ohh...yeeeah. *turns to God* Can we go home now? I'm hungry.
Big G: Well...SHE can. *points to Heather*
Me: But Miss Heather won't leave without me, right? Right?!

Heather: thats right i won't leave with out legolas and zhang he ......... o and keri that was the whole reason for coming here but then i met these two and wellllll hee hee i can't leave them but i also can't leave keri so there better be room for four of us on the shutlle back to the land of the living.

Keri: Big G: Okay, first of all, those who are DEAD cannot become ALIVE. Because they are DEAD. And you! *points to Legolas* You're not even real!
Legolas: I'm hot enough to be real!
Big G: You- well, wait, yeah, I guess you're right. I can excuse that.
Legolas: Annnnnd, since I'm real now, and since I've never technically lived...
Big G: Fine, fine, you can go back to Earth.
Legolas: Damn, I'm good.
Me: Can I go too?!
Zhang He: Yeah! Me too!
Me: Miss Heather said we could!
Big G: Yeah, well, Miss Heather ain't GOD. That's ME.
Zhang He: But I am so beautifully alive in spirit! It is a sin to keep so vivid a butterfly in captivity! Allow me freedom!
Big G:...
Zhang He: Allow me to beautifully leave and once again become a child of the Earth!
Big G:...

Zhang He: I shall beautifully follow Miss Heather back to her realm of living, and shall live a quiet life in Rothesay! Of all places! Where a butterfly such as myself can be free and-
Big G: FINE! You can go! You're creeping me out, man.
Zhang He: YES!
Me: *waving hand in air* Hey, what about me? I'm supposed to be there! Wolverine can't wait forever!
Big G: You're right. He already left.
Me:...I hate that guy.
Big G: I bet he hates you too.
Me:...Probably.
Lucy: Make her go back! You absolutely have to!
Me: Yeah! My family will miss...well, no, probably not. My friends- wait, no... Um...my plants! Who will water my beautiful plants?!
Big G: You mean they're not dead YET?
Me:...*little voice*...No.

Big G: *shakes his head sadly* Keri, Keri, Keri... tsk tsk.
Me: Whaaat?
Big G: *puts hand on shoulder, looks wise* There is a certain ebb and flow in the periods of time that I simply cannot allow to be changed. It would destroy the fabrics of the time-space continuum, it would obliterate everything we''ve ever come to know about existence. By letting you go back- when you are plainly dead- is too much for this fabric to bear. I'm afraid that I cannot allow this to happ-
Me: Do you really want me to stay here?
Big G:...
Me:... *stares at in scrutinizingly*
Big G:...Point taken. Here's a day pass: if you do something really good on Earth, then you can stay. If you cannot do good in a day, then you will be sent back to Hell. How about that?
Me: Why don't you just send me back to Hell now?
Big G: Because I'm trying to have faith here.
Me: That must be very difficult for you.
Big G: Faith is always difficult when you're involved.
Me: Hey, I try.

Big G: I can tell.
Me: Good. 'Cause I really did.
Big G: I'm not doubting you.
Me: You shouldn't. I speak the truth.
Big G: Oh, I wouldn't doubt it.
Me: Because you have faith?
Big G: Because I have faith.
Me: You poor soul.
Big G: I believe everyone can do good-
Me: I just swiped your wallet.
Big G: -at some point in their lives-
Me: *kicks him in shin*
Big G: -when times are tough-
Me: *makes him explode*
Big G: *reappears, eye twitching* -and when the circumstances dictate goodliness-
Me: *lights house on fire* Hm?
Big G: -that anyone can act out in goodliness-
Me: *mockingly* I have a dream-
Big G: *very quickly* -in their own will. *takes deep breath*
Me: *playing soccer with sphere of Earth* Reaaaally?
Big G: Except for you.
Me: It hurts when I'm good.
Big G:...You haven't subscribed to good yet?
Me: Oh, I've subscribed- I just refuse to pay the fees.
Big G:...
Me: *beaming smile*

Big G: LUCY!
Lucy: Aw, jeebus, now you! *grumbling, trudges over* *angrily* What?
Big G: Hey, don't get your panties in a bunch.
Everyone:...
Me:...Even I wouldn't say that.
Lucy: That's...bad, even for you.
Big G: Meh. *shrugs* Anyways, did you possess or do your hole "evilness" thing to this kid?
Lucy: What? Her?
Me: Yay me!
Lucy: Hell no!
Big G:...You didn't?
Lucy: NO. Why would I EVER do that? I mean...come on! I'm trying to get rid of her!
Big G: So you NEVER influenced this?
Lucy: NO!
Big G:...So she's naturally like this? *points to me lighting the butler on fire, explosions in the background*
Lucy: I didn't do it.
Big G: I didn't.
Both:...
Lucy:...So...we're scared, right?
Big G: Yes.
Lucy: Thought so.
Me: *walks into other room where everyong is having tea, crumpets, scones, and cakes* Yay! Everyone!
Gan Ning: *mouth full* Hrrmp ith goesch?
Me:...*blinks*
Lu Xun: He ment how'd it go?
Me: Ohhhh! Well, they don't like me.
Lu Xun: Annnnd the surprise is whaaat?
Me: You're a bigger arse than you were before.
Lu Xun: *pauses* *blinks* *looks horrified* Your arseness is spreading!
Gan Ning: *looks terrified* You're contagious!
*children scream in the background*
Me:...I'm contagious? Like a leper?
Everyone: *nods*
Me:...Sweeeet. *kicks Zhuge Liang in shin* Become an arse!
Zhuge: Well, just because you're like some horrible disease doesn't mean that everyone can be affected-
Me: *konks him over the head*
Zhuge: Blaaaaah...*unconscious*
Me:...

Lu Xun: And that was better than making him explode WHY?
Me: Because that's getting old. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION! *Liu Bei spontaneously combusts*
Sima Yi: So the more you're around someone, the more arse-like they get?
Me: Apparently.
Sima Yi:...So why isn't she like you? *points to Heather*
Me: Because she's Miss Heather. I don't want Miss Heather to be like me- Miss Heather should be like Miss Heather. Right?

Heather: Me:*playing with a litte ball of fire**looks up and notices everyone looking at her* puts out ball of flame* what i wasn't doing anything bad *thinks to her self "they are still looking at me what do i do?!, i know"* *pulls out favorite teddy* hey look at this see look at him dancing see, see *makes eggy dance* *everyone still looks unconviced but a litte more relived* *"that was close"*

Keri: Me: *blinks*...See? She's not an arse in training! She's only...making the lights look pretty! Yeah! 'Cause she's all artsy-fartsy! She was just making the fire turn...blue...ish...yeah!
Lu Xun:...You sound more unconvinced than I feel.
Me: *compassionately* Don't worry, I'm sure there's a cure for that.
Lu Xun:...
Me: *not paying attention* Hey, look, a distraction!
Lu Xun:...And isn't she the other in the Destructive Duo?
Me: Her? Nah. I'm just schizophrenic.
Lu Xun:...
Me:...
Lu Xun:...I'm happy for both of you.
Me:...We thank you. Right Keri? No, you're an arse! No, you're the arse! You're a bigger arse! GASP! I'll teach you! Not if I teach you first! *starts strangling self*
Lu Xun:...*backs away*
Me: Anyways. Hey, Raph!
Raph: Whaaaat?
Me: Wanna come be good with me?
Raph: *baffled* *eyes twitches* *bursts into laughter* Oh, that's a funny one!
Me:...I'm serious. Again.
Raph: *laughing ass off* Suuuure.

*Something explodes in the other room*
Everyone:...*looks at me*
Me:...
Everyone:...
Me:...How come when something just goes BOOM everyone looks at me?!
Everyone:...*keep staring*
Me: I didn't do it!
Raph:...Keri! Don't lie!
Me: Ack! I didn't do it! I mean, I probably did do it before, and probably would have done it, but I didn't do it this time!
Raph: You're lying!
Me: I'm not!
Lucy: *walks out of blown up room, coughs some smoke* Ahem. Ignore that.
Raph:...What happened?
Lucy: Big G insisted I just keep her in Hell.
Me:...This makes much sense.
Lucy: *flops down on couch* I thought my actions were justified.
Raph: Soooo where is the Big G?

Heather: WOOOOOOOOT i love this game i am soooooooo being zhang he
Zhang He: no you aren't i am. i'm not letting someone else control me. besides i know how to use him better.....because....it's ME.
Me: o really fine i'll let you use him but i will as well because i am relly good with him so ha.
Zhang He: is that so well bring it on i dare you
Me: you dare me to a video game not smart

Keri: Me: *eating popcorn* This could be interesting.
Gan Ning: *eating popcorn as well* Hrrmph.
Me: *smacks him upside the head* Don't talk with your mouth full!
Gan Ning: *sticks tongue out*
Me: Bleh! Look at all that popcorn corpses stuck to your tongue! You disgusting necrophiliac!
Gan Ning: *starts singing random song*
Me: Augh! Your corpses are flying about! GASP! One hit me! I declare holy war on you, sir! *smacks him with glove*
Gan Ning: *stops* *looks shocked and slightly appaled* Oh, you SO did not do that!
Me: I so did!
Gan Ning: Why I oughta- *takes out scimitar*
Me: Bring it on! *pulls out voulge*
Gan Ning:... Where did you get that?
Me: *stares at voulge* I don't know.
Wei Yan: *in background* Who stole...weapon?
Me: Annnnywaaays...
Gan Ning: Hey! I wanna play as me!
Me: You have the best musuo.
Gan Ning: Well, DUH! It's ME. I'm simply the best.
Me:...What about Lu Bu?
Gan Ning: We don't even consider that guy anymore.
Me: Ah. I see. I have a question.
Gan Ning: And I have an answer. But will they match? STAY TUNED!
Me:...Ahem. Anywho, why doesn't Xiahou Dun just get another eye now?
Xiahou Dun: *wandering around, walking into things* I am Xiahou Dun! Come if you want to die- OW! Freaking table! *whines, sobbing about stubbed toe*
Me:...He'd be a lot more intimidating if he wasn't half-blind.
Gan Ning: Yeah, but Wei has a really crappy benefits plan. He would have to pay bloody millions to get another eye!
Me: Really? You would think an army would have a decent medical plan.
Gan Ning: You'd think. But, Cao Cao's cheap. So is Cao Pi, but really, I like to blame it on Sima Yi. Just because he's Sima Yi.
Sima Yi: I heard that!
Gan Ning: I kind of intended you to. YOU SUCK, SIMA!
Sima Yi: Why you! *shakes fist*
Gan Ning: What are ya gonna do, DUST ME, FAN BOY?!
Sima Yi: *yanks out fan* Nobody makes fun of Sima Yi and gets away with it! *pauses* Well, except for Fredrick.
Gan Ning: *nods sagely* Yeah, Fredrick's like that.
Sima Yi: Ahem. Anyways, where were we?
Gan Ning: You were about to say something really stupid, Sima McStupidhead.
Sima Yi:...I don't think I can honour that with a reply.
Gan Ning: Yay! I win!
Sima Yi: *smacks forehead* I give up.
Me: It's normally safer that way.
Sima Yi: *flops down on couch* So, who's being me?
Long silence...
Sima Yi: I hate you guys.
Me:...Face it. You've got a fan. And, you wear a dress.
Sima Yi: It isn't a dress!
Me: It's a dress. Face it.
Sima Yi: It's not a-
Me: Hey, look, the game's starting!

Heather: yay game starting i am so going to beat you Zhang He it's not even funny how bad i'm going to beat you lol
Zhang He: what i'm better at being myself than you so ha
30 minutes later
Me: o and thats how you do it *stands up and throws the controller down while mocking Zhang He* *many people cheering for me* o i'm better at being myself than yooooouuuu
Zhang He: *staring in disbelief* H......Ho......How did you manage to beat me?????!!!!!! like come on i'm zhang he i should have beat you *stands up threatingly while giving the evil glare from one eye* you must have cheated that is the only way that you could have beat me *continues to ramble on and on and on*
Heather: Me: o give it up zhang he i doesn't matter you can beat anybody else just not me and keri. we are the bomb so don't feel to bad about it k :)
Zhang He: o ok then *looks all happy* can i beat someone else ^__^
Me: you have to wait your turn. winner plays loser waits. So who wants to fight me now i'll be somebody different each time i fight so bring it on hee hee :D

Keri: Me: *looks at game* *eye twitches* No! I won't do it!
Gan Ning: Whhhhy? Are you tempted?
Me: Unfortunately.
Gan Ning: Why not?
Me: Because. I'm nasty.
Gan Ning: Nasty?
Me:...Hella nasty.
Gan Ning:...Hella nasty?
Me: Merciless.
Gan Ning: Ohhh...that nasty. Aren't we all?
Me: Nasty as in pretending to be noob just to beat noobs.
Gan Ning:...Are you sure that's nasty and not...pure arse?
Me: Probably not.
Gan Ning: Uh huh...
Me: Besides, I rape at Dead Or Alive.
Gan Ning: Ah, the jigglies! All the jigglies!
Me:...Stupid eye candy.
Gan Ning: What? It was obviously intended to be a man's game. I mean, the jigglies!
Me:...*smacks him with glove*
Gan Ning: *rubbing face* Where do you keep GETTING THOSE?!
Me: Over there. *motions to pile of gloves*
Pile of Gloves: Da da da daaaa!! *holy music*
Me: *starry-eyed* They're so very holy!
Gan Ning: *scoots away*

Lucy: *walks back into room* Okay, we've come to a conclusion- WHAT the HELL are you guys DOING?!
Everyone: *stops* ...
Lucy: Are those games? Systems?! Is that popcorn?! What the- I can't even- for the love of- *sputtering, tearing at hair* I- Jeebus, what is wrong- THIS IS GOD'S HOUSE!
Me:...Annnnd... *makes continuing motions with hands*
Lucy: *staring blankly, shocked and slightly appalled*... *emotionlessly sits down on couch*
Me:...*waves hand in his face* Luuuucy- come ooooon!
Gan Ning: I'm sure the last thing he wants to see is you.
Me: Ning, when your wife rolled over and saw your face, she cried herself to DEATH.
Gan Ning:...Ouch.
Raph: Zing!
Gan Ning: You did NOT just zing me!
Raph: I zinged you! It was indeed a zing!
Gan Ning: You did NOT just zing the Ning!
Raph: Oh, I zinged that Ning! And I'll do it again! ZING!
Gan Ning: *sputters* How DARE you?!
Raph: *dancing around* ZING! ZING ZING ZING! ZIIIIIIIING!
Me: Oh, the zing song! I love this song! *hoe-downs with Raph* Zing, zing zing ziiiiing!
Gan Ning:...*yanks out scimitar* I'll musuo you good!
Me: *stops, mid zing* Raph?
Raph: *stops mid sing* Yes?
Me: Can you musuo?
Raph: No. Can you?
Me: No. Shall we run?
Raph: Yes. Lets.
Both: *hide behind Lucy*
Gan Ning: Hah! Like he'll protect you! Right, Lucy?
Lucy: *still staring off into nothing blankly*
Everyone:...
Gan Ning: Uhhh...Lucy?
Me:...*pokes him* I think his brain has finally fried.
Raph:...I blame this on you.
Me: *shocked* Moi?! *outraged* MOI?! *pauses* Yeah, probably. Hey! I have Lucifer an aneurysm! Go me!

Gan Ning: Is he...alive?
Me: Of course he's not alive! He's DEAD! He was always DEAD! He LIVES in HELL! How many LIVING people are in HELL?!
Raph: Two! Fredrick and Henry!
Me: *exasperated* Yeeeah, but they're Frerick and Henry! They can do that!
Raph: True. I miss those guys.
Me: I hate them.
Raph: You would.
Me: But Bill died.
Raph: Yeah, jeez, that's sad. I'll miss him.
Me: Yeah, real shame. Such a great guy.
Raph: Yeah, really. Martha's gotta be heartbroken.
Me: What about George? He still alive?
Raph: Yeah.
Me: Damn, I hate that guy.
Raph: Yeah. Let's kill him.
Gan Ning:...
Me: When you stay in Hell, you meet a lot of people.
Raph: *nods sagely* Indeed. But then they beat us at Poker.
Me: I don't know how to play Poker.
Raph:...Then why did you play with me?!
Me:...Because.
Raph: That's not a reason!
Me: *shakes fist* I'll reason you!
Raph: *pouts* I'd like that.
Me:...You would. *pouts*
Both: *turns backs to each other, arms crossed, sulking*

Gan Ning:...Am I the only one who's worried about Lucy?
Cao Pi: I'm worried.
Gan Ning: *hopeful, eyes light up* Reeeally?
Cao Pi: No. Moron. *walks off laughing maniacally*
Gan Ning:...I hate that guy.
Me: *spots someone* HARK! *runs over to them, beating them with spontaneously appearing baseball bat* EAT BASEBALL, SCUM!
Zhuge Liang: *trying to protect himself* Very original!
Me: *Italian accent* Shaddup-a your mouth! *beats him*
Zhuge: Stop!
Me: Why?!
Zhuge: Because I...er...*looks around* I won't be able to play against Heather!
Me: *stops* *blinks* *looks outrageously happy* YAY! MISS HEATHER! BEAT HIS ASS IN!
Zhuge: *grumbling, goes and grabs a controller* I can't believe I'm doing this... I'll be me. I have to be good. I'm Zhuge Liang, after all.
BWOM BWOM BWOOOOM...
Me: Lucy! you have to watch this! It'll be hi-larious!
Lucy: *still doing nothing*
Me:...*grabs his chin, making his mouth move* *in deep voice* Yes, Keri, it will be! I am Lucy! Hear me roar! *giggles fiendishly* I'm Lucy! I like flowers! I like to wear flowers! In my hair! Like...er...sunflowers! They go with my eyes!

Heather: o you want me to beat him good do you fine i will*picks up eggy from the couch* *talking to eggy* do you want to play *makes head nod* yay looks like eggy will be playing Zhuge Liang *sits down and grabs the controler with eggys paws* lets do this *starts playing game while everyone looks at me strangely*
Zhuge Liang: hey how are you beating me....? what i don't get it

Keri: Me: Hah! Stupid Zhuge! How can YOU beat the ultra-super powers of Eggy?!
Zhuge: It's a freaking bear! That's not even real!
Me: GASP! How dare you! *throws popcorn at his head*
Zhuge: Hey! I'm playing here!
Me: Playing? Looks more like getting your ASS kicked IN.
Gan Ning: I second that notion!
Me: Hoo-rah! *high-fives Ning*
Zhuge: Nobody likes me. But I'm the smartest person ever. Why?
Me: Because you smell like Cao Cao.
Cao Cao: What?! I beg to differ!
Me: You can beg all you want. It really won't make much of a difference.
Gan Ning: Wow, that was a whole new level of arse-ness. You snubbed Cao Cao.
Me: Yeah. I feel kind of dirty.
Cao Cao: And well you should!
Me: Go molest a clown!
Cao Cao:...Ew.
Me: *cringes* Yeah, that was a little far. I apologize.
Cao Cao: I grudgeningly accent.
Gan Ning: You do what now?
Cao Cao: Your momma.
Gan Ning:...Ouch.
Raph:...Zing!
Gan Ning: GASP! What?! Don't start that again!
Raph:...Zing.
Gan Ning: *lunges over couch*
Me: Hey! I'm aggrivating here! *throwing popcorn at Zhuge*
Zhuge: Why can't I win?! I'm supposed to be amazing!
Me: No, that's everyone else. You have a fan. What can you do?
Da Qiao: Excuse me?!
Me: Except for you two. I haven't figured out why, exactly, but... You guys are so fun! *beams*
Da Qiao: Damn straight, biotch.
Me: Wait. What?
Da Qiao: *looks innocent* Nothing. I'm going to go pick flowers now. Bye-bye!

Me: Hey, Ning, did you hear that?
Gan Ning: *strangling Raph* Kinda busy here!
Raph: *suffocating* Zi...ng...
Gan Ning: You take that back! *throttles*
Me: I blame this on you.
Zhuge: How can this be blamed on me?!
Me: Because. You're you. That's reason enough.
Zhuge: How does that make sense?!
Me: That's okay. I'm sure they'll find a cure for it someday. *pats him on head*
Zhuge: *fuming with anger* Why I oughta-
Me: Lose? Don't worry- you just did.
Zhuge: *slack-jawed* WHAT?! *glares at screen, glares at Eggy, glares at Heather* Witch!

Heather: Me: o you better take that back *lights her little ball of flame in her hand* yah see this *starts poking it to make it hotter and hooter by making it blue*
Zhuge:so what you are mking it " PRETTY" o i am so scared *starts to fake tremble*
Lu Xun:um you may not want to want to mock her because.....um.....when fire get blue.....ah yah thats means it's really really hot  and trust me i know this i am a master at fire so i know this........so you may want to stop*looks at me and backs away slowly because the fire is glowing blue and the is a very evil look on my face* a yah i'm going to go to the kitchen to get something to drink...........bye*runs out of the room*
Zhuge:o really well i shoot out laser beams so beat that *screams a little girlie scream as fire shoots past him*he...he...he......what was that for
Me:well you did say beat that so i should you that i can and next time i'm not going to make it misssssss. and quoting keri "Ohh everything can burn! At some point, everything is flammable!"
Little Timmy:yah she's right

Keri: Me: *blinks*...*pulls out fire extinguisher*
Raph: Finally! Someone's taking the law into their own hands!
Me:...*beats Zhuge with fire extinguisher*
Raph:...Or not.
Zhuge: AH! THAT HURTS!
Me: *pauses, thoughtfully* Well, that was what I was going for. If it was any less, then I would have failed. *nods* So, in the future, if I fail in putting through agonizing pain, I would really appreciate it if you could inform me immediately.
Raph: That sounded like a disclaimer.
Me: I offer my services only to those who accept my disclaimers.
Raph: YOU'RE a disclaimer.
Me: I bet you'd like that.
Raph: I would.
Me:...Arse.
Raph: Arse times TWO.
Me: GASP! Arse times THREE!
Raph: Oh, you did not- arse times FOUR!
Gan Ning:...*looks back over to Heather* Oh! Crap! That! *grabs Zhuge, throws him out window* Out, boy!
Zhuge Liang: Ark!
Gan Ning: There! Now, Heather, if you want to torch him, you have to aim out the window...so we don't all die. Painfully.
*In background*
Me: Arse to the power of INFINITY!
Raph: Arse to the power of infinity PLUS ONE!
Me: How dare you! Arse to the-
Gan Ning: You're BOTH arses!
Both: GASP!

Heather: fine *sends the flameing ball of fire out the window and you then here screams* *shouts out the window* thats what you get for calling me a witch *talks to keri* i never said that it was a bad thing though *giggles girly* i just felt like showing him how has more power hee

Keri: Me: *nods sagely* Ah, I understand.
Raph: *tied up and gagged* Mrrph!
Me: GASP! *turns around* How dare you! *kicks him in shin*
Raph: Merph!
Me: No, you're the arse.
Raph: Moof.
Me: I did not!
Raph: Meeeerg.
Me: Stop saying that!
Gan Ning: You understand him?!
Me: Of course I do! Isn't it obvious?
Gan Ning:...How?! He's GAGGED! Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of GAGGING him?!
Me:...You're right! *takes gag off*
Raph:...Seriously. How did we just communicate?
Me: Seriously?
Raph: Seriously.
Me:...Are you sure?
Raph: Yes.
Me: I don't think you can handle it.
Raph: I'm ready.
Me: Positive?
Raph: Yes.
Gan Ning: Just spit it out!
Me:...I don't think anyone wants to see that.
Gan Ning:...Biggest arse in the world.
Me: Good thing I'm dead, then.
Gan Ning:...
Me: Really. I'd hate to compete for that title with candidates like YOU.
Gan Ning:...I would kill you if you weren't already dead.
Me: Yeah, that actually stops a lot of people.

Raph: Hey! What about my answer!
Me: Oh. Yeah. That. We're in Heaven. Think about it. NOTHING makes sense. Why should that?
Raph:...Good point. Have we done anything that has made sense?
Me: If I was aware of it, it wouldn't have happened.
Gan Ning: Oh! There WAS that checkers game.
Raph: But didn't we light it on fire? And then continued playing on it while it was on fire?
Me: Ohhh yeeeah...good times, good times.
Raph: And then we got hungry, so we put corn kernals on it, and it turned into popcorn? And why did we have corn kernals and not popcorn?
Me: Weren't we in that magical corn field at the time?
Gan Ning: Nah, that was when we were shouting at Nick.
Me: Oh yeah! Stupid deaf-mute.
*FLASHBACK*
*In The Stand...Stephen King book*
Abigail: Dear Nick, there is a horrible battle coming soon. I fear there will be much death-
Gan Ning: Don't go!
Me: You'll die!
Raph: Don't die, Nick! You're the only good character!
Nick:...*nods, walks off*
Us: NOOOOOO!!
*END FLASHBACK*
Me:...But we didn't play checkers there.
Raph: Good point.
Gan Ning: Thus, we saved the world!
Lu Xun: *staring at us in bafflement* What?
Gan Ning: We saved the world. From the disease thing. In The Stand. It was great. You really should have been there.
Lu Xun:...But...you were here the entire time.
Gan Ning: Nah, those were our evil twins.
Lu Xun:...
Gan Ning:...
Lu Xun:...No.
Gan Ning:...*sighs* You're right. We vanished back when we were in the cool place. We haven't left here yet.
Lu Xun:...Who wants to go get ice cream? I'd like some ice cream.
Me: YAY! *glomp* Ice cream! The one way to my adoration!
Lu Xun: *gasping for air* The road less travelled by SUCKS.
Me: *completely serious* You're paying.
Lu Xun: *looks at entire roomfull of people staring* Hell. I'm going to be so broke.
Me: I have an idea!
*children scream in background*
Me: *lights Zhuge Liang- crawling through window- on fire*
Zhuge: Whhhhhhhy?! *falls out window, on fire...again*
Me: I have another idea! *swipes Lucy's wallet* Let's go! Hell's paying!
Everyone: YAY!
Raph: I can't help but think that there's something horribly wrong about this.
Me: Yeah, but you get used to that pretty quickly. Eventually that little voice goes away.
Raph: You meant the one that tells me to burn things?
Me: What? No! You should always listen to that one!
Raph:...Well, you ARE the psychology person.
Me: Damn straight! Burn things! But that little voice that says "This is bad, don't do it"? That's an IMPOSTOR.
Raph: What?!
Me: Yeah. It's undercover. Like a James Bond...in your HEAD.
Raph: I hate that guy!
Me: Yeah. So don't listen to him.
Raph: I won't! *lights Zhuge on fire as everyone leaves house*
Zhuge: *twitches*
Me: He's still moving! He's a ZOMBIE! DIE, ZOMBIE! *beats him with lead pipe*
Raph:...
Me:...It had to be done.
Zhuge: *reappears* Why you-
Me: GAH! Zombie clones! *whacks him again*
Zhuge: *reappears* How dare-
Me: What is the world coming to?! *whack*
Zhuge: *reappears, looked miffed* I'm not even going to bothe-
Me: For the sake of humanity! Die, zombie! *whack*
Everyone:...*staring*
Lu Xun:...I'd stop her, but this really is enjoyable.
Zhuge: *reappears, giving Lu Xun the finger*
Lu Xun: *lights him on fire* God, I hate that guy. Anyways...to ice cream!
Everyone: *marches out of house*
Big G: Hey, guys! Wait for me! *runs out*
*Inside...*
Lucy:...*slowly falls off couch*...

Me: Hm...well, I would like some... Grasshopper Soup.
Gan Ning: Eww... That's disgusting.
Me: Hey! It's good.
Gan Ning: Then I want some Sheep in a Blender!
Me:...Naasssty.
Ice Cream Guy: *hands over two absolutely disgusting ice creams*
Me:...What the hell is this?!
Ice Cream Guy: Here in Heaven, we take things literally.
Me:...*chucks ice cream at Liu Bei* At least it didn't go to waste. I want banana!
Ice Cream Guy: *sighs* *hands over ice cream*
Gan Ning: *throws his in the lost and found box* I want strawberry!
Lu Xun: *shaking head* You should have gotten real flavours in the first place.
Me: Yeah...well... At least we didn't get...wait! What flavour is that!
Lu Xun: Chocolate mint chip!

Me:...GASP! Ning! Do you know what this means?!
Gan Ning: Time to take over the world!
Me: *smacks him* Moron! That's what we do every night!
Gan Ning: Oh, yeah... If only those stupid mice weren't better at it!
Me: What I meant was that he got a better ice cream than us! *points accusingly at Lu Xun talking with Raph*
Raph: *points at Ning and I*
Lu Xun: *stares, confused, at us*
Me: You fiend! Getting better ice cream!
Lu Xun: *sticks tongue out and goes back to talking*
Me: Ning! We must do something about this...
Gan Ning: Oh! Oh! I know! *waving hand in air crazily*
Me:...We are NOT going to do the Hokey-Pokey!
Gan Ning: Damn! Well, if we don't do it now, and if we didn't do it before, when are we gonna do it?! HUH? HUH?!
Me: I don't know! I just don't know!
Everyone: *staring*... *backs away*
Raph:...*nudges Big G*
Big G:...You know, I really don't want to in Heaven anymore.
Me: GASP! YAY! HOORAH! WHOOP! And...er...uh...
Gan Ning: Yippee?
Me: *nods sagely* Yippee indeed.
Lu Xun: Wait! She's going back?!
Big G: Well, quite frankly, I don't want her here. And I don't think Lucy wants her in Hell.
Me:...He'd party right now if he weren't...uh...
Raph: Dead?
Me: He ain't dead! He's just...er...
Raph: Pregnant?
Me: No, he ain't- WHAT! What is WRONG with YOU?!
Raph: *genuinely concerned* ...I don't know. No! Maybe I'm hanging out with you too much!
Me: Haha! I'm still contagious! Soon, there will be a society to save people from ME! *laughs manically*
Raph:...Yeah.
Me: I must tell Miss Heather! *runs off*
Raph:...So you're really doing this?
Big G: For the moment. I like ice cream. It's made my day. When we get back I'll do the whole revive thing.
Raph: So you're serious?
Big G: Yup. I figure there'll be no more Heaven if those two stick around. *grumbling* Not to mention what they did to my house...
Raph: And not to Hell?
Big G: Nah. Lucy would never stop bothering me about it.
Raph: And not to Limbo?
Big G: Hell no! Limbo?! That place can't even handle John Travolta half the time!
**Limbo**
John: Burn, baby, burn! Disco inferno!
Little Timmy: *on fire* Whhhhhy?!
**Back in Heaven...**
Raph: Soo...
Big G: Stop being so damn suspicious!
Raph: Well, it's hard NOT to. I mean, you ARE an arse. With power. Lots of power.
Big G:...Granted.
*Other there*
Me: Miss Heather! He's gonna let us go back!

Heather: Sweet even though i could have gone back when ever i wanted to lol and i even get to take back my peeps with me hopefully nobody will be to jelous of you two being my bodyguards
Zhang He: even if they do they won't get any where near us so were pretty much safe
Legolas: yah i agree but wait if we are both going back who gets you
Me: thats a good question because i kinda have someone back home so i don't know i would say that there is plenty of me to go around so i will *giggles*
*Legolas and Zhang He start to drool*

Keri: Me: *blinks* Well. That was unexpected.
Raph: I think we should celebrate.
Big G: Whoo!
Sima Yi: Celebrate?! What have you people been doing all this time?!
Me: Pre-celebration.
Sima Yi: But the ice cream! The games! The konga lines! You've already celebrated!
Me: You're just mad 'cause a little girl fights better than you.
Da Qiao: *whacks him with a fan* Yo mamma, biotch!
Me:...What?
Da Qiao: *innocently* Nothing. I like puppies!
Me:...
Da Qiao: *skips off*
Me: *turns back to group* Okaaay...now that Sima Yi's been punished...
Da Qiao: *in background* *beating up Liu Bei* Gimme yo' moolah!
Liu Bei: *crying, on ground* Please, please stop!
Da Qiao: Who's your daddy?! *kicks him*
Liu Bei: *bawling eyes out* You!
Da Qiao: Damn straight!

Me: So, that is how and why we shall take everyone back with us.
Lu Xun:...How? You just said "that is how and why we shall take everyone back with us." You didn't say anything else!
Me: Didn't I?
Lu Xun: No.
Me: Damn. I was hoping you'd fill in the blanks.
Lu Xun: I'm figuring you have a lot of blanks.
Me:...
Lu Xun: Face it. You got burned.
Me:...Ow. Are you supposed to be this mean?
Lu Xun: Um...no. I wonder wh- *eyes go wide* NOO! I'M DISEASED!
Me: Boo-yaka! The Keri Epidemic rages on!
Gan Ning: *pats Lu Xun on shoulder understandingly* Don't worry. It'll wear off.
Lu Xun: *hopeful* Really?
Gan Ning: No. I think I'm proof of that.
Me: And that is why both of you have to come back with me! Heather gets two friends, I should too!
Big G: Oh, come on! I gave you back your LIFE! Even though you don't deserve it!
Me: I'd eventually infect everyone if you didn't, you know that, right?
Big G: Unfortunately. And Raph's the biggest arse I can handle.
Raph: What? I'm not an arse!
Big G: Not in comparison. That's why we're kicking her out.
Me: Wait. Forever? What about when I do die? GASP! Am I...IMMORTAL?! *thunder strikes*
Big G: Um...er...my, this is a problem.
Me: Loop holes! The only way to skim by!
Big G:...We'll decide when the time comes.
Me: Wait. So I might NOT be immortal?
Big G: We'll find out. Eventually.
Me: That's my style.
Big G: Shut up. Shouldn't we be celebrating?
Me: You're right! Come! Party at God's place! *runs off*
Big G: Why is it always at my place?! Why not Raph's?!
Raph: I practically live at your place. My wife got the sexy level of a dead squirrel.
Big G:...I'm SO telling her that! *runs off giggling*
Raph: NOOOOOO!! *follows*
**At Big G's house**
Me: Nah. I have a few weaknesses.
Big G: Really? Sweet. Where?
Me: Oh, if you take two members out of my party, I'm doomed.
Big G: Well, you ARE called the Doomed Army...
Me: At Funky Monkey Castle.
Big G:...Really.
Both: *playing Suikoden V*
Big G: Sooo...who are the two?
Me: Oh, Belcoot and Richard. Without them, I'd never win.
Big G: Uh huh... HAH! *makes 'em disappear*
Me: What?! NOOOO! *goes to put them back in party* Where are they?!
Big G: They no longer exist.
Me: *falls on knees* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Big G:...*gets tapped on shoulder* WHAT?! Can't you see I'm busy ruining dreams here?! *turns around* *blinks* *looks back at TV*...*looks behind*...*looks at TV*...*looks behind*...Damn! I worse than Viki at this!
Belcoot: *looking baffled* Uh, that's nice. Really. Who are you? Why are we here?
Big G: Crap.
Me: GASP! Belcoot! *tackles* *really fast talking* I thought you were gone forever but now you're back except not in the game but now you're here right in front of me so now I can tell you how much better you are at fighting than everyone else especially Hazuki because she sucks quite a lot and I think that you and Marina are a sweet little couple even though you're completely oblivious even Oboro knows but then again he knows everything! *gasps for air* *pauses thoughtfully* Thanks for being a kick-ass character.
Belcoot: *looking absolutely confused* Um...thanks?
Me: Yay! He said thanks!

Big G: *flipping through book called BIG G'S BOOK OF SPELLS* I know the return spell is here somewhere...
Me: GASP! And Richard! You've saved my life so many times!
Richard: I really don't care. Wait! Does it have to do with Mueller?
Me: Uh...no.
Richard: Then I really don't care.
Me:...What is it with that guy?! Is he like your long-lost father or something?!
Richard: Erm. No. He's just Mueller. He's the best!
Me: That guy won't even join my team!
Richard: He won't? Then I shouldn't!
Me: Ack! No! He will! Just...er...we can't see him. Or touch him. Yeah.
Richard: Really?
Me: Yeah.
Richard:...
Me:...Seriously.
Belcoot: I think she's lying.
Me: I am not!
Lu Xun: She always lies.
Me: You stay out of this!
Lu Xun: Why?
Me: Er...um...crap!
Lu Xun: I thought that would baffle you.
Me: You're an arse.
Lu Xun: And those guys just disappeared.
Me: Wha- NO! BIG G!

Big G: *shutting book proudly* What? I had to return them!
Me: Yeah...I guess.
Big G: No, I will not bring them bac- wait. Did you just agree with me?
Me: Yeah.
Big G:...Wow. I mean, wow.
Me: Yeah. Hey, look! Lucy fell over! *runs over, ties him to chair*
Big G:...Did you have to tie him up?
Me: Absolutely. When he wakes up, he'll probably want to kill me. This way, I get a head start.
Big G: Ah. That explains it. *snaps fingers*
Lucy: What?
Me: You just revived Lucy! How?!
Big G: I'm GOD. Remember that little fact?
Me: Fascinating.
Lucy: What? Why am I tied up? Oh god, you know what? I don't want to know.
Me: Yay! Lucy's back! Now we can party!

Heather: yay i think

Keri: Me: So, how does everyone want to party?
Lucy: I don't want to party.
Gan Ning: Oh! I want to make pies!
Lucy:...I don't want to party.
Me:Everyone likes pies! Okay, that and...uh...more gaming?
Everyone: YAY!
Lucy: I don't want to party.
Me: Ignoring Lucy further, let's play a new game that was just thought up at this very minute, now available to you with only half the calories for only ninety-nine, ninety-nine, ninety-nine!
Everyone:...Yay...?
Me: Yay indeed. Let's get Raph in trouble with his wife!
Raph: NOOOOOO!
Me: *pats him on shoulder* It's for the good of the nation.
Raph: How?!
Me: Now, now- we mustn't question these higher callings, Raph. What would our lord say to your questions?
Raph: *looks at Big G*
Big G: *blinks* Uh...do it! The Big G has spoken!
Raph:...No.
Me: Come oooon- you could get hooked up with...uhh...
Raph: Who?
Me:...It's a secret. We can't tell you!
Raph:...Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to hate this game?
Me: Not nearly as much as your wife.
Raph: That's reassuring.
Me: I thought it would be.

Heather: lol poor raph doesn't even know what is about to happen to him
Raph: ?!!!!!!!! what are you talking about???????????!!!!! o wait.........NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Me:i was waiting for that. this is keri that is planing this. you know i would feel bad for you but i'm the host of the show so WELCOME to GETTING RAPH IN TROUBLE *flashes in big lights and neon colors*
Raph:*sputtering with...... i don't even know* but where....did....all...this...come from
*in background an entire set of the dating game*

Keri: Me: Welcome, Raph! Have a seat!
Raph: I'd rather not.
Me: The choice, I'm afraid, is not up to you. *chair reaches out and grabs him*
Raph: What?! What is WRONG with this CHAIR?!
Chair: I'm on steroids.
Raph: Jesus! It's talking! I don't want to sit on a thing that TALKS!
Chair: Even Jesus can't help you now.
Big G: Seriously. I just sent him to clean his room.
Chair: See? No one can hear you scream.
Raph: I'd like to test your theory. *screams horribly loud*
Me: *shoves sock in his mouth* Okay, our tactic lacks a little grace. It still worked.
Chair: In yo' face, Raph!
Raph: No! I will not play!
Me: Too bad. Bring out the contestants!
Contestant 1: *sits behind screen, behind Raph* *is Sima Yi, tied and gagged*
Cont. 2: *behind screen* *is Sun Shang Xiang* *is excited*
Cont. 3: *behind screen* *drags huge bastard sword on stage* *is Ci-bo* *is like fangirl*
Cont. 4: *also behind screen...* *skips on to stage* *is Leknaat* *sees Raph* *mouths "Who is that?"*
Me: *threatens True Fire rune* *holds it up, juggles with it*
Leknaat: *mouths "I'll behave"* *sits down*
Me: Ahem. Keep in mind that everyone has voice masker-type-things, so they're all sound like robots. Like Transformers. Robots in disguise! Transformers! More than meets the eye! *does a jig*
Raph:...I've accepted my fate.
Me: I figured you would eventually.
Raph: I take that back. Big G! Stop this!
Big G: *eating popcorn* Psh. Fix it yourself.
Raph: That's what you said about the Holocaust! And look what happened!
Big G: I gave monkeys intelligence. Of course I expected some sort of consequence!
Raph: *sighs* You are such an ass.

Me: Ahem. Anyways. Raph! Ask your first question!
Raph: Isn't Heather the host?
Me: Yes. but she's only here physically right now. *points to Heather, standing motionless, staring at nothing* Her mind is in the art room.
Raph: What the HELL are you talking about?
Me: Nothing. Everything. Mall police. Do you want them after you?!
Raph: Um...no.
Me: Good! *squints knowingly* I didn't think so. So ask ze question, capitaine!
Raph:...What?
Me: Ask the bloody question. Moron.
Raph: Capitaine and moron don't mean the same thing.
Me: Hey! Who's the French person here?!
Raph: *sighs* Fine. Um...er...hey, got a question I can ask?
Me: No.
Leknaat: *from behind screen* What're you like in bed?!
Me:...
Raph: WHAT?!
Leknaat: I'm a more blunt type.
Me: I didn't think anyone was that blunt.
Leknaat: Try me.
Me: *makes poking motions at Pale Gate rune*
Leknaat: Augh! Fine! *sits back down*
Raph: ...Hey, can I ask tha-
Me: No, you can't.
Raph: Damn.
Me: Indeed. Ask a question!
Lucy: For the love of something, ask a bloody question!
Raph: Hey! No input from the audience!
Lucy: *shakes fist* I'll input you!
Raph: I bet you would!
Lucy: I would!
Raph: And I bet you'd like it!
Lucy: No, Keri would!
Me: Hey! *shakes fist* I'll teach you to get me involved with this!
Lucy: I teach you!
Me: Don't make me teach you!
Raph: Hey! What about me!
Me: Shut-up-a yo' mouth!
Raph: GASP! You didn't!
Me: Oh, I so did!
Raph: I'll shut up BOTH of yo' mouths!
Lucy: Just try it, fairy-boy!
Raph: Why I oughta-
Me: Not if I have something to do with it!
Lucy: Which by all accounts, you SHOULDN'T.
Me: I'll teach you to use physics!
Gan Ning: Hey! HEY! What about the show?
Me: Oh. Yeah.

Gan Ning: Now, we're all responsible people here, and have all been through a lot. Of course we're going to be a little edgy, but deep down inside, we all know we're friends-
Me: He said yo momma was a penny whore.
Gan Ning: -Except for Raph. DIE! *yanks out scimitar*
Raph: Ack! No, no, I didn't! *tries to run away* Stupid chair!
Chair: Yo momma!
Raph: Stop that!
Me: Hey! The contestants are getting away!
Contestants: *pause, run back to seats* No we're not!
Me: I CAUGHT you!
Contestants: *start whistling*
Me: Fine! First question!
Raph: How would you get me out of this situation?
Con. 1/Sima Yi: I don't really care to help you, as I'm currently trying to get out of my predicament-
Raph: Jeez, you just don't shut up, do you?
Con. 2/Sun Shang Xiang: Um...beat up the chair?
Raph: Hm...I'll accept that.
Con. 3/ Ci-bo: Glomp you?
Raph:...How does that solve anything at all?!
Con. 3/Ci-bo: I think it makes me happy. And that solves the problem of me being angry, which would lead to me using this here bastard sword. *holds it up behind curtain*
Raph:...This explains much.
Con. 4/Leknaat: What can I say that won't make that horrid person break my runes?
Me: A few things. Nice rated things. Things that won't make our heads explode with horrid pictures.
Leknaat: Well, first I'd take your belt off with my teeth-
Me: *chucks Water Rune to ground, starts jumping on it* Censorship! Censorship!
Leknaat: The people will not be silenced!
Me: I don't care about the people! I care about not having my brain EXPLODE!
Raph: I don't know, I rather like that image.
Me: You would. Okay, second question...

Heather: well shall we get on to the next question how bout somewhere that you would go on a date? favorite foods? what kinda food you would be if you were a food?

Keri: Me: Oi, this ain't asking for trouble...
Raph: No kidding.
Sima Yi: Date? No. I will have nothing more to do with this!
Me: Too bad.
Sima Yi: You have no understanding of the aesthetics of...er...
Me:....There's really no understanding involved in any of this, you do realize that, right?
Sima Yi: *sighs* Yes.
Sun Shang Xiang: I say we go invade Nan Zhong! And play cricket! And eat roasted marshmellows! I would so be a marshmellow. I really don't know why- I just like marshmellows. Once upon a time, brother Ce and I threw marshmellows at Quan, and then-
Me: Point gotten.
Sun Shang Xiang:...That had a point? I was just trying to get out of this.
Me: You can't. You've signed off your first born.
Sun Shang Xiang: WHAT?!
Me: Oh yeah...fine print. Anyways, next contestant!

Ci-bo: I say we go to Mirkwood, the home of Legolas! Since I'm being all fangirl-y like...
Legolas: Yo.
Ci-bo: SQUEE! *glomp*
Legolas: Hey. I'm someone else's property! *points to sign*
Sign on Legolas: PROPERTY OF HEATHER: TOUCH AND DIE! ...AGAIN
Me: Yes, and no one is doing any more dying here.
Zhuge Liang: *explodes*
Me:...Except for him. I just don't like him.
Zhuge: *reappears* *grumbling* Someday, I'm going to- *explodes*
Me: Next contestant!
Ci-bo: But I didn't get to answer!
Me: And I'm sure no one wanted you to. So, next!
Leknaat: We'd go to the Moulin Rouge, where I would be whipped cream and-
Me: Next question!
Raph: Um...will you help me escape right now?
Sima Yi: *sulking* No. You ignored me, made fun of me, insulted me, mocked me, put me on fire, told me to shut up, compared me to a little girl, beat me up, and-

Raph: Blah blah blah, is that all you do?! Jeez, I don't even WANT to be rescued by you!
Sima Yi:...*lone tear falls*
Me: *emotionlessly* Aw. How cute. Ahem. Anyways! Next quest-
Big G: I'm out of popcorn!
Me: You're GOD. MAKE MORE!
Big G: But...
Me: No buts, mister!
Big G: *puppy-dog eyes*
Me: What do you expect ME to do?!
Big G: *whimpers*
Me:... *to Raph* What is wrong with that guy?
Raph: *shrugs* Anything. Everything. Take your pick.
Ci-bo: Raph, let's run away together! And slaughter people on the battlefield with my bastard sword! Together!
Raph: No, I don't want help from you.
Leknaat: Well, I COULD get Jeane's rune of Charm and do the super seduce thing...
Me: And no, you're not doing that. What is wrong with you, by the way?
Leknaat: *shrugs* You get lonely being all immortal and judging souls and such.
Me: I suppose.
Leknaat: Yeah. Plus, I'm really bored.
Me:...What about the rune wars? Isn't the threat of your UNIVERSE collapsing on itself in a blazing INFERNO ENOUGH for you to handle?!
Leknaat: Not really. I just send Zerase down there to fix everything.
**DOWN IN SUIKODEN WORLD**
Zerase: Leknaat, I hate you.
**BACK UP HERE**
Leknaat: She loves me. I know it.
Me: Ahem. Next question?
Raph: Who will save me?!
Sun Shang Xiang: Hey! I COULD call a horse and we could run away!
Raph: Horseman I am not.
Sun Shang Xiang: Too bad. I want to. Plus, I've already done it.
Horse: *comes tearing through* Neigh, I say! *Sun Shang Xiang jumps on it, grabs Raph, rides off into sunset...all in seconds*

Big G: She just stole my archangel!
Me:...*blinking*
Big G: Do something!
Me:...That horse talked. Do you think I'm going after a talking horse?! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
Big G:...Fine. Let them go. See if I care! *dies a little inside* *pauses* Wait. How did I just die a little inside? Did you just say that, and it happened?
Me: Ignore that. Loop hole.
Big G: Ah. Humans came about that way, you know.
Me: Actually, I don't. But I'd love to. Care to explain?
Big G: Well, first there were monkeys, so I gave one intelligence, and then I got him to sign a contract, but he made some loop holes, and then-
Everyone: *suddenly disappears*
**GATES OF HEAVEN**
Everyone: *reappears*
Me: Wait. What?
Big G: Hmm... *looks at watch* Jeebus! That time already? Time for you guys to go home.
Me: What?! What about all the questions I want answers to?!
Big G: Meh. Loop hole.
Me: *falls on knees, screaming to sky* DAMN YOU, LOOP HOLES!
Loop Hole God: Mwahahaha! Wait. How do I exist?
Big G: Loop hole.
Loop Hole God: How perfect! MWAHAHAHA!
Big G: Yeah. Haha. Now, get back under the sink.
Loop Hole God: *cringes* Yes, sir. *trudges off*
Me:...Were we supposed to see that?
Big G: Probably not. G'bye, now!
Me: Wait, what?
Big G: Say your goodbyes! Or whatever. I got soap operas to watch.
Lucy: *in shock* You mean...they're finally...going?
Me: *glomp* I'll miss you, Lucy! think of all the good times!
**FLASHBACK**
Me: hey, Lucy! CATCH!
Lucy: What? *gets whacked in the head by giant boomerang*
--Another scene--
Me: Hey, Lucy! Have a flower!
Lucy: What? *giant Venus Fly Trap eats him*
--Another scene--
Me: Hey, Lucy! Try my pie!
Lucy: What? *gets three-metre tall pie in face...er, body*
--'Nother scene--
Me: Hey, Lucy! Have a-
Lucy: GOOD GOD, NO! *runs away screaming*
Me:...*yelling* TRY MY HEAT-SEEKING MISSILE!
*Screams are heard in the distance...*
**END OF FLASHBACK**

Heather: O i finally have to leave. how depressing but i get to take home my two people. so who do i say goodbye how bout everyone yay so to all the people that i have met you have totally changed my life and everything that we have done has been so much fun
Zhuge Liang: *calling from behind me* hey it wasn't fun when you threw a flame ball at me you witch
Me : * throws another over shoulder and hears him screaming with frustration and pain* as i was saying i am going to miss you all well execpt for Gan Ning and Lu Xun because you are coming down with us YAY but to lucy i am sure that you are totally relived that she is going and i will try my best to keep her out of harms way so that you don't have to see her for a very long time and to Big G sorry about the house and having partys there all the time. it was still fun though lol. to everyone else goodbye

Keri: Me: Man, I don't know how to say good-bye to everyone-
Lucy: So don't.
Me: Ah, I'll miss your arse-ness. Almost rivaled my own!
Lucy: What an accomplishment.
Me: Bye Lucy! *glomp* I'll see you whenever! Too abd that I couldn't say bye to Raph...
Raph: *randomly appears* What?! Thanks for getting me stuck with Miss Nagsalot!
Me: Best I could do. Would you rather have Leknaat?
Raph: Hmm... You know, I- *disappears*
Me: *blinks* Meh. We'll see him again. BYE EVERYONE! Come, Ning, Xun, let us sally forth!
Gan Ning:...We're doing what to Sally? She got a restraining order on me last time...
Lu Xun: I pray I don't stay alive this time as long as I did last time.
Big G: Good bye, so long, blah, blah blah...blah...I tried. I really did. Get the hell of my cloud.
Us: *disappears*
**ON EARTH**
Us: *appears beside MacDonalds dumpster*
Me:...He's a classy guy, that God.
Lu Xun: *dusts self off* I can tell- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF?!
Gan Ning: My god, the houses are fifty feet high!
Me: Oh, yeah. Welcome to the modern, REAL world! Yeah, you know most of that stuff in Heaven? It's real.
Gan Ning: Maaan...
Lu Xun: Jeebus!
Me: Ah, Miss Heather, shall we head out to our homes, back to the usual lives, etcetera, etcetera...? Onwards!
--TECHNICALLY, END—

Well, actually…

Keri: Me: So, this is my house- *opens door* And that's my mother staring at us oddly. Hey, mother!
Mother: Who are those people?!
Me: Oh. Stalkers. Found 'em on the street. Can I keep 'em?
Gan Ning: You are such an arse.
Mother: They're...in armour! And have swords! And they look menacing!
Me: And this is a problem whhhy...?
Mother: They're MURDERERS!
Me: Now, now, let's not get into who murdered who...
Gan Ning: You should talk, Killy McGee.
Me: No, that's the Big G.
Long silence...
Me:...You know, I really thought that he was going to say something.
Mother: What are you talking about?!
Me: Oh. God. And Lucifer. We talk often.
Mother: Oh my God! You've finally lost your mind! I'm calling the hospital-
*knock on door*
Me: Yay! Someone loves me! *opens door* YAY! Raph!
Raph: Yo.
Me: You'e all...human-like. Hey, how'd you get away from Sun Shang Xiang?
Raph: Get away? We're happily married.
Me:...WHat about your wife?
Raph: Oh, we're still married.
Me:...
Raph:...I lead a double life.
Me:...Ah, I see.
Gan Ning: Why did you come here?
Raph: *shrugs* I'm bored. I decided to visit the living realm again. You know, it's been a while.
Lu Xun: Tell me about it. When did we last live? Almost two thousand years ago?
Gan Ning: Yeah. I forgot what it was like to breathe!
Me: GAMING PARTY!
Mother: *drops phone, mouth hanging open* What....?
Me: Oh, yeah. Mother, this is the ex-pirate warlord, Gan Ning, and this is the strategist Lu Xun, and this is the archangel Raphael.
Them: Hey.
Raph: Call me Raph. I sound like a girl otherwise.
Me: Aren't angels supposedly hermaphrodites anyways?
Raph:...
Me:...
Raph:...Let's pretend you didn't say that.
Me: Agreed. I wonder how Miss Heather's doing at her house?

Heather: *at heather's house* *walk in with legolas and Zhang He*
Mom: Heather who are they? Hang on a sec....isn't that Orlando Bloom what is he doing in our house and why is he dressed up in his legolas outfit.
Me: o well see mom this is legolas. They just did a really good job of finding a look-a-like. and this other fellow here is Zhang He. He is from Ancient China.....I mean China now hehehe.........He's an exchange student yah thats it and he needed to study my life for unifersity yah thats it
Mom: that still doesn't explain why "Legolas" is in my house and how old are they any ways
Zhang He: o i'm 20mmmmh.....mmh
Me: he's 29 and legolas is 22
Mom:okay but why is your hand still over his mouth
Me:*whips hand back down* um no reason
*thinks to self i wonder how keri is doing with the intergation*

Keri:
**AT THE KERI HOUSE**
The room is dark, with only one light shining down on the table...
Mother: Who are these people?! TELL ME!
Me: *sitting on chair with light in eyes* The light! It burns!
Mother: Who are they?! I could bust you for so much!
Me: They're my friends! Well, sort of... In a way, I bugged them... I'm contagious!
Mother: TELL ME!
Me: They're made of chocolate-y goodness now with only ahlf the calories!
Mother: TEL- Wait. What?
Me: What?
Mother:...I asked you a question!
Me: And I have an answer! Should I go first? The answer is WHAT I ALREADY SAID.
Mother: How could you bring back ancient Chinese warlords and an ARCHANGEL?
Me: Cause God's quirky like that.
Mother: *stuttering*
Me: Oh...yeah...you're religious, aren't you?
**UPSTAIRS**
Raph: Hm...go fish.
Gan Ning: I HATE this game! *throws cards at him*
Raph: GAH! *lunges across table, strangles him*
Lu Xun:...Yeah.