Keri: Hey! How's it? Long time no see! And...er...all that other reuinion stuff...
Lu Xun: Your sincerity is tear-jerking.
Me:...Ass.
Lu Xun: You know you'd be screwed if it wasn't for me.
Me:...Hey, Miss Heather! Guess who's great to have at university! Man, I sit there, bored, and then bam! One of them does something stupid!
Lu Xun: Hey! That's not true at al-
Gan Ning: Check it out! I just stuffed twelve cheesies in my mouth!
Me:...
Lu Xun:...
Me:...See?
Lu Xun:...Don't put me in the same category as him! I mean, LOOK AT HIM!
Gan Ning: *is trying to limbo while doing the Macarena*
Me:...Hey, weren't you the one who thought that it'd be great to burn down the other house?
Lu Xun: Well, yeah! They are the rivals, aren't they?
Me:...Perhaps that would have worked way back when... But now people take your fingerprints.
Lu Xun:...You were a lot more fun when you didn't have to do stuff.
Me: Yeah, I know- but my fuel is running low. How many essays can you do in a night, eh?
Lu Xun:...You did one...
Me: Yeah...but it was long!
Lu Xun:... Like three pages.
Me:...And I'm tired.
Lu Xun:...You slept for- what? Ten hours!
Me:...And sweaty.
Lu Xun:...
Me:...
Lu Xun:...I didn't need to know that.
Me: I think you wanted to.
Lu Xun: I really, really didn't.
Gan Ning: Hey! How long do I have to stay in this closet?!
Me: A long time- hey! Whose closet is that?!
Gan Ning: *peeks out* Isn't it yours...?
Me: Mine doesn't have a door! It has a shower curtain!
Long pause...
Gan Ning:...So that's why that girl screamed and fainted...
Me:...You're just lucky Katie hasn't found you yet.
Lu Xun: She'd treat us better than you do.
Me: What? I GAVE you my meal card! What more do you want?!
Lu Xun: To NOT live in your closet! And for you to take the garbage out every once in a while would be a nice treat!
Me: Um... No. I like it there.
Lu Xun: It's MOVING.
Me:...That was your foot.
Lu Xun: No, that's chained to the closet.
Me:...That's Ning's foot...?
Lu Xun: No, I think that's perpetually in his mouth.
Me: Oh, ZING!
Gan Ning: WAIT! Did someone just zing me?!
Me:...It was him. *points at Lu Xun*
Lu Xun: What? No! It was her! Dear god, why would you believe her- STOP IT!
Gan Ning: *pauses beating Lu Xun with a foam baseball bat* You're right. This isn't getting me anywhere. Hey, can you get me a real baseball bat?
Me: *sighing* How many times do I have to tell you? You don't magically reappear if you get beaten to death here.
Gan Ning: So that's where the pizza guy went...
Me: Yes, that's where he we- WHAT?!
Gan Ning:...Yeah, so if some FBI agents come to the door, uh... Don't look in the closet.
Lu Xun: *looks in closet* OH DEAR GOD!
Me:...
Gan Ning:...
Me:...
Gan Ning:...I said not to look.
Me:...
Gan Ning:...*innocent smile*
Me:...You know, I knew that I'd be chased out with torches and pitchforks eventually, but I didn't think that it'd be this soon.
Gan Ning: *shrugs* Meh. I'm sure that he's gone to a better place.
**BETTER PLACE**
Pizza Guy: Wha...? Where am I?
Sheol: Hey, welcome to Limbo, yadda yadda yadda, wipe your feet...
Pizza Guy: Where am I?
Sheol: Jeez, they just don't get any brighter, do they? *sighs* Just go to Hell.
Pizza Guy: What! Why?!
Sheol: Cause I said to, that's why. Now go.
Er...POOF...
Pizza Guy: OhGodI'mSorryIDon'tKnowWhatIDidButNowI'mInHellI'mGoingToSufferSoBadly-
Lucifer: Hey, welcome to Hell, blah blah-
Pizza Guy: DearGodIt'sHimI'mSoDeadAnd- hey, is that a water slide?
Lucy: *sigh* Yes...
Pizza Guy:...And an amusement park...?
Lucy:...Yes...
Pizza Guy:...And a flower garden?
Lucy:...You're really the observant one, aren't you?
Pizza Guy: Um... Where is this?
Lucy: Sigh... Disney land. Go kill yourself. *pulls out phone* Barbara? What ever happened to that interior decorator? Oh? Really now? WHAT? She did WHAT? Oh, that's IT! No one plants perennials in MY torture chamber! *disappears*

**ON EARTH**

Group Member 1: So, that's why I hate gamers.
Group Member 2: Yeah! Teehee!
Group Member 3: I'm...SO high right now...
Me:...
Group Member 4: My foot's itchy.
Me:...
Lucy: *pops up* YOU!
Group: AHHHHH! SATAN! *runs off screaming*
Me: LUCY! *glomp*
Lucy: Get off of me, you contagious brain-leper freak!
Me: You came to save me from those stupid people with their...uh...stupidness!
Lucy: Yeah, must've been a big competition for you.
Me: Yeah- wait. What?
Lucy: Nothing. What did you do to my decorator so he won't come back?
*children, people, things are running around, panicking and screaming in background*
Me: Moi? Do something to scar someone? NEVER!
Lucy: If you keep lying, someone will cut your tongue out.
Me: Bet you wish it was you, eh?
Lucy:...Yes.
Me:...I think a few more people want that too.
Lucy: I'm more important.
Raph: No, I am!
Me: RAPH! *glomp* Wait. Are you going to yell at me for terrorizing your decorator too?
Raph: Nah, I was bored. Hey, is this a class?
Me: Yeah, it's called "Run Screaming From The Image Of Eternal Agony And Suffering 101."
Raph:...That hurt.
Me: Really? Aw, that's terri- Jeebus, sorry, I can't even try to care. I'm tired.
Raph: Hey, let's party! Where's Heather?
Me: Excellent idea! But I don't know how much they'd appreciate it if I burned down the school...
Raph:...
Lucy:...
Raph:...
Lucy:...You can't tell me you didn't expect that.
Raph: Sigh... I was hoping.
Lucy: Must be painful.
Raph: It is.
Me: Okily dokily! Let's go find Heather and release Lu Xun and Ning from the closet!
Raph:...
Lucy:...I'm not even going to ask.
Raph: Probably for the best.

**TWO WEEKS LATER...**

Lu Xun: What are you doing?
Me: Writing an essay.
Lu Xun: Uh huh. For what class?
Me: Religious studies.
Lu Xun: All right. About what?
Me: Response to article about lights in trees.
Lu Xun: Really. I think there may be something wrong here.
Me: What? That's unpossible. I am not uneloquent.
Lu Xun: ...Right. *reading essay* "This article by Annie Whatsherface was an abomination to everything. She offends all of my everything. She also was definitely on the shrooms, because lights don't just appear in trees these days. Seriously. The lady needs help. Especially with her damn metaphors. Atrocities against the English language, those were- I cried myself to dehydration when I read it. Besides the blood loss I was suffering due to the various times I SMASHED my FACE into the wall to end it all. Oh, wait, I love this song- ROXANNE! You don't have to put on the red light! ROXANNE! You don't have to wear that dress tonight!"
Me: ...Your point?
Lu Xun: ...It's a poetic masterpiece.
Me: I thought so too. About time I get the respect I so rightfully deserve!
Gan Ning: Did someone say something about beating you up?!
Me: Go back to your room! Visiting hours are over!
Gan Ning: *plops down on floor* Then why is Xun still here?
Me: ...Good point. Hey, Xun, why are you still here?
Lu Xun: *sighs* Because visiting hours end at midnight and it is nine in the morning.
Me: *squints at clock* Ya don't say.
Gan Ning: Wow. This is what I get for sleeping for three days straight. Then playing games for two days.
Me: *whacks him on head* Never blame anything on games! Moron.
Gan Ning: Jerk.
Me: Jackass.
Gan Ning: Dumbass.
Me: Kentucky Fried Bitch.
Gan Ning: Transvestite's sex kitten.
Me: Soap dropper on a stick.
Gan Ning: Polka singing hermaphrodite.
Me: Son of a bitch's hermaphrodite's diseased walrus's abomination of a test tube baby.
Gan Ning: Apex of redundancy.
Me: Big stupid head.
Gan Ning: *shocked* Oh...oh, no! You DID NOT!
Me: I SO did!
Gan Ning: Take that back!
Me: Make me!
Lu Xun: *sobs* Why? Why can't they just kill each other?
Me: You know you'd miss us.
Lu Xun: ...
Gan Ning: ...
Me: ...
Lu Xun: ...
Gan Ning: ...
Me: ...Or not.
Gan Ning: Most likely not.
Lu Xun: No one will miss you.
Me: Boo... That's no fun. Who will cry at my funeral?
Gan Ning: I will!
Lu Xun: I'm thinking that he will be another dead participant in the funeral.
Me: ...Is he suggesting that we'll kill each other?
Gan Ning: Psh! That's crazy talk!
Me: We'd never do that!
Gan Ning: Hey, wanna go see who can drink more antifreeze?!
Me: Do I?!
Lu Xun: ...Sometimes, I wonder if you're serious.
Me: *stops mid-step* We're not serious?
Gan Ning: I swear we were.
Lu Xun: ...
Me: ...
Gan Ning: ...
Lu Xun: ...Some people were born to die.
Me: Not me! I'm immortal!
Gan Ning: Yay for loop holes!
Lu Xun: ...How about we go get pizza?
Me: Why? Do you have coupons? Cause I refuse to pay more than half price.
Lu Xun: You haven't paid for a thing yet!
Me: I haven't? Oh. Moocher extraordinaire!
Lu Xun: ...I'm not sure if that's something to be proud of.
Me: Last time I checked, it was.
Gan Ning: Hey! I heard pizza, but I was the only one who jumped up! Are we going or not?
Me: If Xun's paying, we are.
Lu Xun: Why do I always get stuck with the bill?
Me: Because I'm a cheap-ass and Ning has no money to begin with.
Gan Ning: Yay me!
Lu Xun: I should really get new acquaintances.
Me: Later. Pizza now. Then watch Mortal Kombat.
Gan Ning: YES! Totally worth coming back to life!
Me: And then Moulin Rouge.
Gan Ning: NO! Totally worth dying again!
Me: And then I beat you.
Gan Ning: NO! Totally worth killing you!
Me: Not if I kill you first!
Gan Ning: Na-uh! You'll be dead like BAM!
Me: Oh, you'll be too dead to make-dead me! You'll die like ZOOM!
Gan Ning: ...Well, how can I beat zoom?
Me: You can't. You just can't.
Gan Ning: Sigh... I guess that I'll go get the noose then.
Me: I suppose you should.
Gan Ning: We do what we must.
Me: Indeed. Godspeed, Ning.
Gan Ning: Bless you.
Lu Xun: ...That was officially the weirdest thing I have ever witnessed.
Me: Then we really haven't been doing our job.
Gan Ning: Indeed. Shouldn't we start in the obtaining of the pizza now?
Me: Sounds novel. Let's go!
Lu Xun: ...Sometimes- sometimes- I long to kill you.
Me: ...Sometimes?
Gan Ning: Then we really haven't been doing our jobs.
Me: Okay, I'll get the pots, you get the tambourines. Xun! Make some cappuccino! It's gonna be a long night.
Lu Xun: ...I'm going to go get the pizza. You stay here and guard our rooms. Or whatever. Just don't follow me.
Me: Yay! Less work for me!
Gan Ning: I'll go get some money! *runs off*
Lu Xun: ...Are we going to get another police call?
Me: Most likely. You wanna take it this time?
Lu Xun: I don't think you should ever answer a phone again after last time.

**LAST TIME...**
Phone: RING!
Me: Hullo?
Lady: Hello? Is this the Knights of Columbus?
Me: Er... Yeah. This is... Sir Elroy. We meet at midnight at Tim Horton's! Bring your weapons and masks! WE RIDE AT DAWN!
Lady: *weird noises*
Lu Xun: *grabs phone* Sorry, she needs medication. Can I help you?
Lady: I'll... I'll see you in Hell! *click*
Lu Xun: *glares* Thanks. That's the forth time I've been cursed to Hell thanks to you.
Me: Hey, I gotta get someone down there with me. Besides Lucy. He's weird.

**PRESENT...**
Lu Xun: ...Are you having a flashback?
Me: Yes.
Lu Xun: ...Perhaps you shouldn't just stare off into nothing muttering to yourself next time.
Me: I think I should answer the phone again. ESPECIALLY if it's the police.
Lu Xun: Dear god, no! Not again!

**POLICE TIME...**
Phone: RING!
Me: Mushi-mushi?
Man: Hello? Is this Holy Cross House?
Me: Ironically, it is. And this is Keri answering. Who be this?
Man: This is Officer McLoud. I'm calling about a man named- *muttering off phone* Seymour...Butts? *long pause* He is SO busted now.
Me: Ehehe...ehehe... Your pride was kicked in the nads.
Man: Pardon me?!
Me: No. Never. Shut up. Hey, do you know how to get blood stains out of carpets?
Man: ...WHAT?
Me: Oh, wait, give me a se- HEY! XUN! Let go of the phone! Don't make me give you rabies!
Lu Xun: *grabs phone* Hello? I apologise for whatever she said.
Man: What is going on over there?!
Lu Xun: University.
Man: ...Oh.
Lu Xun: Yeah. What's going on?
Man: There is a man here singing something about bells-
Lu Xun: I apologise for Gan Ning. He's a moron.
Man: I could have told you that.
Lu Xun: Yeah, well, you didn't. I said it first. Drop him off whenever, I don't care. Keep him.
Man: But... The fine he owes-
Lu Xun: I'm not paying it. Keep him there.
Man: NO! I'll...er... I'll pay it. Just come get him.
Lu Xun: No.
Man: Please?!
Lu Xun: No.
Man: Fine! I'll drop him off! Meet me downstairs to open the door.
Lu Xun: No.
Man: FINE. I'll bring my extra keys. Will you at least sign his release form?
Lu Xun: No.
Man: GOD DAMN IT. I'll do it! Just... Hang up.
Lu Xun: That I can do. *click*

**PRESENT...**
Me: You're really not much better.
Lu Xun: I didn't get the FBI here.
Me: Or the SWAT team!
Lu Xun: ...Yes, cause we all know that is something to brag about.
Me: ...It is.
Lu Xun: ...
Phone: RING!
Me: *dives for it*
Lu Xun: *casually reaches over and grabs it* Hello?
Man: Hello, we have a man named Seymour Butts... OH, GOD DAMN IT!
Lu Xun: *sighs* You know the drill. Mind picking up our pizza?
Man: Will you keep this man inside for a day?
Lu Xun: Maybe.
Man: ...It's worth it.
Lu Xun: Pay for the pizza, too. I'm a little low on money.
Man: *stuttering* *pause* *sighs* Right. Be there soon.
Lu Xun: Thanks, Henry. *click*
Me: ...I could have done that.
Lu Xun: Sure. Go finish that mental lag known as an essay.
Me: ...No.
Lu Xun: Then no pizza.
Me: ...Damn! *stomps off* ...WAIT! *comes running back in* This is MY room! Get out of my room!
Lu Xun: No.
Me: ...Fine. Then suffer my singing. Ahem. *horrible screeching* ROXANNE!
Lu Xun: I'm out! *runs off*
Me: Hah! I win!